Magnificent

[mishka422]

Can't sleep....argh......I swear....every darned night the same thing. I lay in bed and watch my ceiling fan spin. My eyes pop open all on their own and I just can't sleep.

My mind keep whirring with all the things I needed to do that I didn't get done, all the things that have gone wrong or are going wrong in my life and my family life, the anger bubbles up that I'm laying here alone while that ftard xh is snuggled up to the broom, and the thoughts that this is just how it's going to be from now on unless it gets worse (God forbid). Not a good place to be in my head at this time of night.

Gosh, I wish I could sleep.

I thought I'd pop on here and read some of the Newcomers threads but I can't say anything to any of them that would help. All I want to say is to just quit now. There really is no point in all this DB stuff. In the end, less than 1% make it out of here alive and that is probably the odds without DB, so whatever. I can't comfort them really so I just don't post. It feels awful to even say that, but honestly there is next to no hope for any of us here on these boards regarding M's that are failing. I read all of that raw pain, the A's, the children left swirling in the aftermath of their parent's selfishness and it makes everything in this life look so bleak. If people can do this to their own families, their own children, what hope is there for anyone in this life?

Oh yeah....dark places tonight. Going to count sheep again now before I get in more of a funk. Definitely NOT reading Newcomers anymore. I think it sent me over the edge.