Newbie.....dealing with a MLC'er....

[Amy40]

You said his name came up clean but you mentioned him reminding you of "the tattoed, drinking, drug using type" that she used to date. So maybe he just hasn't gotten busted yet.

At any rate, I understand your wanting her to be a part of her son's life HOWEVER if she is not worthy of that role, no amount of wishing on your part will change that. She left her son. She needs to do the work to EARN the right to be in his life again. At the very least that means she takes a shower, eats a hamburger and straps the boy in a carseat. Do you understand?

The worst thing a LBS can do is shelter a walk-away from the consequences of his or her actions. So you're going to have to steel yourself to the repercussions of NOT sheltering her. That absolutely means that yes, you analyze the hell out of her when she comes to pick him up (does she look like she slept? Does she look like she gives a rats ass about her appearance? Is she lucid? Is she behaving like an ADULT?). If not, sorry babe, you ain't taking my son today. You can do that at this point so why not do it? If you are sincerely concerned for the reasons you have stated, nobody in their right mind would let the child get in the car absent a court order to do so.

Again, I know you want to encourage her relationship with her son. But I can not express strongly enough that THIS IS YOU DOING THE WORK FOR HER. And that means that at best, you are an enabler (takes one to know one). And at worst, you are in complete denial and therefore unwilling to take the necessary steps that will protect your child.

Think about it.