Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Borrowed a work computer for the night. Checking out Google DropBox, which may be a Godsend for me. Finally got girls to sleep. Second straight night I've had them because W is swamped at work.

She called a couple of times and I didn't answer. Then I thought, if I called to say goodnight and she didn't answer, I'd be upset. So I called her back and handed the phone to D10 before she picked up.

Today felt good. Another round of phone calls with lawyers. I am in a strong position financially if we D and that gave me peace of mind.

Of course, the p*ssy way W treated me today when picking up D7 helped. Combine that with the fact that if I was still at home and she worked until 10 p.m. I would have had to get the girls to sleep and do the dishes, the laundry and get the school lunches ready for tomorrow without a thank you She said I did those things for sex. Well, that ended in June of 2008 and I continued to do those things until May of this year. I wonder if she notices the inconsistency.

Today, I'm wondering how we got 13 years in together.

The love of the family unit and a lot of acting.

I told my boss today we were likely heading toward a D and that meant I might be missing time for L visits. I work in the newspaper industry, which is getting hammered in this economy, and they are launching a large task force largely around things I write about or research.

Eventually, this will put me back in promotion territory, which I had given up to allow W to chase her career goals.

My boss, who divorced her first husband pro-se 25 years ago, was cool about it, said she may not include me on the task force because of it, but still the project can't succeed without me at its core so the situation won't hurt me long term.

Her only question was whether I'm continuing to work on the improvements I need to make in myself long term. I told her, yes, because if there was one positive out of the S it was that it woke me up to my self-centered ways.

I hope by the time I am promoted I have someone to call or come home to to share it with. At the very least, I'll have D10 and D7. I'm feeling very good tonight.