Yeah i did nothing i was supposed to do. I started to, but it was too much. Too much to hold in. Too much to bite my tongue at.
I let it go...and i let it go good. I told my W that because of her indiscretion i had lost trust. That every time she is out, i feel she was out with him or thinking about him...blah blah blah.
I literally called her a quitter. I told her I hated her straight to her face. For making me feel like a looser. For making me feel like a pathetic man that grovels at the foot she extends. I told her i hated how easily she gave up on trying. Everything....i let everything out. I mean everything.
And you know what? I feel amazing!! I feel like a giant monkey has been lifted off me.
As I was outside cooling off, my wife came down from the MC office and her presence soothed me.
WE went to her car and we sat and talked for like 3 hours. Her telling me it was over and blah blah blah, me telling her that i felt i was going crazy. LIke institution crazy. More talk. More of the same and then bam....i asked her what was working before and she told me that she noticed little baby steps and GET THIS...THAT SHE WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN, UNTIL THE SNOOPING INCIDENT. Can you believe that? Can you effing believe that?
I am so mad. I told her that I snooped on her that 1 time and that 1 time only. If knew that nothing was going on, why would i be so untrusting of her going out. She paused and looked at me as if she just realized she was throwing knives at the wrong back. She said, i suppose that is one way to look at it.
BINGO...THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR FINALLY SEEING THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN SNOOPING ON YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!
Thanks Coach. And I DID say the blessing and prayed for our family.
I am packing for Disney and I'm looking forward to the trip. But, I must be cycling down a bit b/c I just don't feel much for W right now. I understand why.
Last trip there I was preoccupied with whether she would sleep in the same bed with me (she didn't). Now, I just don't care.
Will keep my PMA, but I know what I'm not feeling right now.
Have fun at Disney. We lived in Orlando for 10 years prior to moving away two years ago. I loved Orlando...great golf and great restaurants. If you guys have the time, may I suggest Emerils at City Walk (Universal Studios) for dinner.
Have fun, LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
Have fun at Disney. We lived in Orlando for 10 years prior to moving away two years ago. I loved Orlando...great golf and great restaurants. If you guys have the time, may I suggest Emerils at City Walk (Universal Studios) for dinner.
Have fun, LFH
Thanks for the suggestion. W has all the meals planned out. She really enjoys planning these trips. We are staying on property, so it's not likely we will leave the grounds until heading out.
Another quick update. Had to write a brief for a case before I leave for a few days of vacation tomorrow. So, not much posting tonight.
Another interesting night. W still showing a lot of "towards." Tonight, she actually asked if she could make me a cup of tea - not what I usually have, but I have a cold with a sore throat, so it helps. Her primary LL (I think) is acts of service, so this is a big deal for her. I was a little surprised, but pleasantly so. W asked a lot of questions about the case for which I was writing the brief tonight.
Really enjoyed the detachment thread Coach started. If you haven't read it yet, you should.
