We stopped snooping. Really what is the point? You know she's trying to live her life without you and that may include other people. The more you know in this case the more it hurts you.
I think the Puppy approach of "I will not share my wife, and if you feel the need to date or see what's out there, we need to figure out how to be great parents apart from each other." Make it clear to her you know about her crap and what she's doing. Make it clear, it's unacceptable and you are moving on.
The next time she needs your help, you now know to tell her, "Call your guy buddies. That kind of thing is no longer my responsibility....per your choices."
