It occurred to me during my ordeal that being detached is similar to a R with a friend, which is very different than a R with a spouse. Although I care deeply about my friends, what they do and what they think just doesn't have power over my feelings about myself, at least not usually. That's the way I try to think about my W. That's detachment. I still love her and care for her, but she has her own life and I have mine. Her actions don't personally affect me. I'm in control of me.
