I think you're finding that it's very difficult to live halfway between total trust and total transparency, as it just tends to break down into accusations, jealousy and such.
Did the two of you ever agree to mutual transparency? WOULD he agree to it? (if you're able to see all of his accounts, he should be able to see all of yours, and you should offer this). Does he even seem empathetic as to why YOU need this, in order to heal and trust again?
I've always felt in your sitch that his relationship with the friend was MOSTLY one-sided, unrequited love: I think she thinks a LOT more highly of your H than he thinks of her. But that still doesn't make it right, or appropriate, and it still doesn't mean that YOU don't need reassurance and transparency at this stage. From what you've posted over the past couple of months, I just don't think he GETS that -- at all.
Which means it's all going to come down to what YOU want to do; what YOU are willing to accept. Because I have a feeling that "what you see is what you get" with your husband -- I don't think he's going to give you more than this, and I don't think it's healthy for you to keep driving yourself crazy with suspicion, either.
