I think a necessary facet of detachment is the process of disconnecting one's own sense of self-worth and even *basic identity* from the opinions/actions of one's spouse. "Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do" is only the first step. You can't successfully detach while your self-image is still in any way in their keeping.
This is NOT the same thing as "not giving a sh*t what they think". It's not asserting that you are great the way you are and might not have productive changes to make. It's refusing to let them decide FOR YOU whether or not you're a decent caring, spouse/parent/sexual partner/friend. It's caring about their needs and emotions while simultaneously realizing that you are a perfectly valid (not perfect; valid) human being with or without them, their love, their, cooperation, or their approval.
Classic Schnarchian differentiation, IOW.
Last edited by Kettricken; 10/08/0908:07 PM.
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