I know what you are saying that you are sick of living as cordial friends. The only "value" I get right now is from my sons. I feel nothing from my wife as well and you know what, I am starting to feel nothing for her right now. Since she said she really wants a divorce sunday, I am starting to feel better. No more watching what I say or do. Trying to be this person she wants me to be. No more "I can hug you as a friend stuff" "I don't love you" Fine--I don't care anymore...
Last night, she wanted to start a fight with me saying the same crap she always says....I said you know what, I am watching a new show "hank" the one with Kelsey Grammar and it's funny. Why don't you just sit down and laugh with me instead of yelling...Then she went up stairs and locked the door. The me of three days ago would have followed her up to try and defend and talk to her. I just didn't care last night.
They don't have the emotional maturity to deal with things. To deal with lifes challanges, love, everything. So they run and run.
My wife says she married me because I was a safe choice, stable, good with money, etc...She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. We didn't have alot of money growing up. My dad made 35k per year and my mom cleaned houses. I paid for my own college, gradschool, everything. I have been on my own since I was 17.
When I met my W, she had crashed two of the cars her dad bought her and all her credit cards were maxed out. So we defintely have the same situation. We are both viewed as the parent. Our spouses are the teenagers rebelling. They are not getting what they want--We are standing in their way of happiness and freedom. Not sure how she will handle it on her own if it goes that way. Sounds like your husband will have the same challenges. I am still using that term if. I am OK either way now.
I do agree with you that our kids seeing a loveless marriage is not good for them in the long run. My sons think just because we don't fight, everything is ok. But deep down they know that things are not like they used to be. They don't see the love between us. The make suggestions about us doing things togther. Ask why does mommy always go out. Why does she go out all the time without daddy. I did tell my wife staying together for the kids is not the right solution. When I was out with the boys a couple weeks ago, my 9 year old got sick and said he wanted to go home. I had him call his mom and he got better all of a sudden. So they feel it when we are not together as a family. I don't know how they are going to deal with it if/when we divorce. I made an appointment next week with a therapist for my wife and I to learn how to tell the kids. I don't think she wants to tell them until after xmas. Whatever..I will be ready either way.
I don't think it is a cinderella story. I am looking for the same thing. I want to bring the best out in somebody and have them bring the best out in me. You want to be needed, loved...It something that has been missing in my life for a long time. We will find it Gina. We will.
Thanks for your prayers and i will do the same.
Danny.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
