PLEASE HELP! - About to completely LOSE IT!!!

[aflowergurlie]

Last night -
H came home from work to delicious homemade chicken soup filling the air and simmering on the stove. H doesn't really care for soup, which I know, but he's been sick with a cold all week and I made it especially for him to try and help him get better faster. H upon seeing the soup "Thanks, but soup?". Me - "It's delicious and will help you get better quick." H made himself hearty bowl and sat at kitchen bar to eat while I stood in kitchen across from him eating as well. H talked about his day and some work issues during which I was able to show agreement, understanding, and validation of the things he was dealing with, along with lots of direct eye contact to make sure he knew I was really listening to him.

Prior to our eating, when he first came in the door, I had my gym clothing on already. (I didn't know what his plans for the evening were, or even if he would be home or not. My plans I decided were to go to the gym early so I could make it in time to the tanning salon as well.) H - "I'm not going to the gym this early. I'm going to wait and go later after the crowds clear out and (friend who is a work-mate/other gym buddy) might be coming with me." Me - "Oh, ok. What time were you planning on going?". H - "Um, I'm not really sure." So, I took this as I wasn't invited with him tonight, which again was fine as I had already decided my plans, and went to the gym by myself.

As I was getting ready to leave the gym, saw H downstairs sitting with friend as friend was filling out paperwork. We made eye contact and I smiled and waved at him, he waved back. Downstairs, I stopped by their table and briefly chatted with H and H's friend. Gave H's friend a hug as he watched. (Reflecting later on last night realized that it's been since 8/22 that H and I have hugged...ugh.) Then told H I had to get to gym early as I wanted to make it to tanning salon. H was inquisitive about it and expressed interest in now wanting to go to tanning salon for himself (the MLC never ceases to amaze me with what he'll want to do next).

Later at home - H ate more soup (lol) and was texting but left phone in kitchen and went back and forth between watching tv in living room with me and texting in kitchen...kinda odd, although he did lol at one of the texts he got. (That always makes me sad/jealous, when I have to hear him laugh in the other room when he is on phone or texting with OW. I want to be the one to make him laugh.)

Then H got up and took shirt off and started looking in the mirror (like umpteenth time he's done this with me right there for his little show). So, I decided to play along last night and got up and went right next to him to "check him out". He let me touch his stomach and his neck and shoulders to feel his definition. All I kept thinking was keep self-control, don't screw things up now, you can do this, walk away, and I did, even though that line in Wedding Crashers kept running through my head "That broad just eyef***ed the s**t out of you." which is I'm sure what I was doing during all these shananigans. Well then H walks to his bathroom while in mid-conversation with me, so I followed him (which I normally don't do right now, I try to stay put and let him come back to me). As I was getting ready to walk away after he finished what he was saying, he grabs his clippers and says "Well, since you're right here, you get to clip my back for me." Oh dear lord help me now. So, I let my fingers roam about his back while clipping it. H got goosebumps like he usually does and I just commented "You've got goosebumps." H - "I always do." Me - "I think it's cute." Really forgot how much I love touching him and want to be touched back by him.

Rest of night was pure torture, absolute hell after we said our good-nights. He was out in office when I went to my bedroom and about 15 mins later I thought I heard his phone ring. Didn't sleep much. Just let myself cry, ache, and miss him for a while.