I understand the point you're trying to make and it is a valid one, striking at the heart of communication problems. If we all could have found a way to effectively communicate, A's wouldn't have happened, spouses would have felt loved, issues would have been dealt with, and we wouldn't even know this site existed.
But that isn't the case. We all had lessons to learn, as do our WAWs. However, every sitch is different and people are different. You may read one person's experience here and find something that speaks to you, but it's highly unlikely that it can be applied whole-cloth to your own sitch. And you really can't mandate that all people feel and react in the same way. If something speaks to you, great. But shouldn't you leave yourself open to the possibility that things aren't necessarily the way you decided they should be?
People are who they are. In the case of my XW, that means a person who couldn't remain faithful, who couldn't tell me what she wanted, who couldn't tell me how unhappy she was, and ultimately someone who probably doesn't have the skills (right now) to make a long term relationship work. As much as I love her, I can't change that. She has to change that. So I've had to let go, admitting to myself that as much as I tried to convince myself it should be great, it never will be because she isn't who I made her out to be.
Does that make her a bad person? No. It simply makes her who she is.
So I understand why you feel the need to belabor your point, but I hope you can also see why it doesn't do any good to cling to one particular view of reality. In your next relationship, whether in a restored marriage or with someone new, everything is going to be different anyway.
lodo
ps - i posted this before you replied. i think your reply makes sense, but your posts seem more accusatory than questioning. i think that's what everyone has responded to
