Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[antlers]

I honesty don't know how I would have POSSIBLY made it thru my sitch two years ago without God's help.

Just ask God to give you STRENGTH and WISDOM and DISCERNMENT. You'll be astounded at who, and what, will come across your path every day.

These are EXACTLY the same things that I've been praying for. And asking Him to help me detatch completely and not be affected by her and what is going on in her life.

I prayed daily to God "to show me whatever I needed to see and hear 'in order' to make good decisions 'for my kids and I'", and for "discernment to know the truth."

Made some changes here for me! Gonna start adding this too! Thanks. I think if I can completely detatch, I'll be OK. The other stuff is gonna be a rough go also (financially, mentally, and emotionally), but if I can get to where I'm not affected by her or what is going on in her life...then I'm gonna be OK.

[Thinker]

Okay, so do I contact the OM or the OM's wife? I want to expose this A because I honestly can not remain married to my W if this is going on behind my back.

This is a choice you will have to make.

What are your intention? Is it to save M? If you contact OM's wife, she kicks him out, who does he go to?

Any reason to get more "victim triangles" started?

I feel this is between you and W. The less people involved the better. Deal with the A with your W. The issues are between you and her. LISTEN to her and LEARN. LEARN and change. IF not for this relationship, the next.......

This topic went round and round on my thread many months ago. Like most things, there isn't a clear answer, but the countering argument to the point above is:

"If there is an A (and there is), doesn't OM's W have a RIGHT to know? Why should she be the only one of the 4 people affected who is left in the dark? This impacts her too!"

[etrain]

Just got home from work. The crazy person inside of me made me drive by my W's work on the way home. Maybe I'd catch them going out to lunch together or something. Stupid, I know.
Then I half expected them to be in our house having sex on their lunch hour when I arrived, since our home is so close to my W's work. Thankfully, the house is empty.

I think I'm going to install a keylogger. Now I did use one a few weeks ago. That's how I found the initial email exchange. But it was only a 3 day trial and my W eventually found out because she rebooted our PC one day & got a message about the keylogger. I denied & gave a BS excuse about it being a virus or something. I know...me lying is no better than W lying. She "sort of" bought it but she's still careful to delete everything & rarely uses our home PC anymore. It's still worth a shot, i suppose.

Then I'm off to Verizon to see if they can get me a copy of our phone usage. I'll tell them we forgot our "billing password" & see what they say. Intel, snooping, whatever you call it. I deserve as much info as I can get.

Still going back & forth on contacting OM's W. She also deserves to know...but maybe I'll wait until I get more "proof".

Life sucks right now & I'm starting to act like a madman.

[Ready2Change]

"If there is an A (and there is), doesn't OM's W have a RIGHT to know? Why should she be the only one of the 4 people affected who is left in the dark? This impacts her too!"

I did not go snooping. I did not want/need more hurt. I am glad no one "exposed" an A to me.......Being in the dark was better for me.

[Ready2Change]

Life sucks right now & I'm starting to act like a madman.

It is amazing how we allow other peoples actions to control what we do. Amazing how we want to control other peoples actions.

I was lucky enough to read the posts here and be able to control my reactions to what W was/is doing. They all follow the same script. Learning the script was empowering...

[Thinker]

Yes, if the WAS has a script that they follow, the LBS does too.

Going crazy and starting to imagine all of the things that could be going on is part of that script. I know it is hard, but you really have to try to stop that part e. Everything you imagine is probably wrong. Truth is probably completely different (Still an A, but not what you are imagining). Try to stop (I know it is hard, but stop ruminating on it)

[Steve McQueen]

I'm an introvert & a very shy person by nature...definitely not the social butterfly I need to be right now. I need a LOT of work in this area if I'm going to stay busy. And there are always going to be those weekday nights when I don't have my S and I'm all alone.
Maybe I need a girlfriend.

I joke but what are the "normal" expections of a S as far as dating goes? Is it a "free pass" for my W to start dating? As if my ego could possibly be crushed any more than it already is.

Devil on your left shoulder speaking.

if the shoes was on the other foot, and your wife just found condoms in your glove box, her girlfriends would be saying,

Come on. We are taking you out to find a guy to help you forget about that loser.

Toss that grain of salt over your left shoulder if you wish. or use it with a shot of tequila.

[etrain]

I'm so glad you folks are here to help me through this. I just called my doctor & got an appt right away. I think I need some medical help to get through this. I can't eat, sleep, concentrate. It's maddening.
I'm crying right now. This is my life.

[Thinker]

Stay strong e. This is a really rough time, but just know that you will make it through.

I found it both surprising, and helpful, to realize just how many people have or are going through just what you are going through. If you are like me, you are probably shocked and ashamed and feel like suddenly you are different from everyone - like your life is a lie.

I started opening up to a few friends, and was really surprised to find out how many of them either had gone through or were going through just this situation. Some had been the LBS. Some had been the WAS and were now contritely trying to work their way back into the R.

You are not alone.

You'll handle it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

......Being in the dark was better for me.

I'll never understand that, although I know you're not the only one who feels that way. I just don't get it -- ignorance is bliss??

I guess that's why God made chocolate and vanilla . . .

Puppy