Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[K4D]

She's been seeing me (occasionally) and hearing about me from the kiddos for the last 8 months. Hasn't mattered. She never mentions me to the kiddos (they tell me) and she never mentions me to her parents (they tell me). Hard to imagine that she thinks about me at all anymore (except in a negative way).

You are their father. She gave birth to YOUR children. She married YOU. You 2 built a life together and formed a family together. Do you truly think it is possible to forget that? Maybe her feelings are negative right now about you. But I guarantee you that she thinks about you. She may not want to talk about you to anyone. But at night when she puts her head to the pillow, I promise you that you cross her mind. She wouldn't be human if you didn't. And she is human. Everytime she has the kids, they are a reminder of you and your life that you 2 formed together.

You are letting yourself backslide to much. That is natural, we all hit that. But you have to get back to what you were doing and stop obsessing about her and what she is thinking. Again, you are only 8 months into this. Don't even bother taking a temperature check right now. The minimum should be a year unless she makes real changes towards you.

Patience is extremely hard in these situations. It is the hardest thing in the world to stand for your M during times like this. You have made real changes and that is not easily accomplished without putting real work into it.

Do you pray each night for her and your M to be restored? Do you forgive her daily for anything she might have wronged you and your kids on and then let it go? Have you forgiven yourself for your own part in the failings of the M? Have you prayed for forgiveness for yourself? Have you asked her to forgive you? If so, then let all those feelings go and keep on working on YOU and pray for your M each day and your W's soul each day. I know you believe in God after reading your thread. Let Him take control of the situation and you just be patient and stay on track.

Don't let dispair stop you from continuing to be a better man/father/husband.

What I want to do is completely detatch to where I'm not affected, at all, by her or what is happening in her life.

Then do it. That is what will be necessary to carry you through this time.

Kevin