Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Today I'm wavering -- or at least I was until W showed up 30 minutes late to pick up D7, who was home sick with a fever. I texted her I needed to be at work by noon. She showed up at 12:20.

If I'd done that, she would have tore into me. In a book, "The Power of Now," the author writes people a lot of time aren't actually in love with their spouse, they are addicted to being in a relationship.

I love my D10 and D7 with all my heart and know a D is going to forever alter and complicate their lives -- but this morning I was thinking that I don't so much miss my W, I miss having someone to talk to, watch a movie on the couch, go shopping with and plan Thanksgiving.

Those are all things my W and I rarely did in the past three years.

I have the info on basically doing a do-it-yourself divorce. I also received some info on a collaborative law divorce -- each of us hire attorneys trained in this but nothing is filed until we already have an agreement. Has anyone out there used this?

Of course, I may change my mind tomorrow. I've been extremely weak. BUT I am FINALLY ready to do LRT long term. I'm looking at the schedule and unless the kids get sick I shouldn't have to interact with W much at all until Halloween.

And then not again until around Thanksgiving and then not again until around Christmas. I may actually be able to tear the cord in the next three months.