- he is an idiot but he acted that way because he was hurt, apparently he is still human (somewhat) ;-)
Interesting don't you think that some of your actions still affect him a certain way, ever wonder why?
Yes, I understand why. He was hurt that whereas once I would have dropped everything for him and my kids, now other things take precedence and it because of his actions. I'm not saying it is conscious. But, he took for granted that I used to come home on a dime if the kids needed me. I would forgo anything and everything for him and them. They are safe with him and I am witness to their pain and carry the load 99% of the time. He had to deal with it last night and the know somewhere that he is the one who has killed that dynamic.
He still looks at me as a mommy figure, I'm telling you. He wants my approval. He wants me to hold his hand and tell him I understand whether it is his need to leave us or his running to OW or whatever...he has expressed self-loathing and needing help. I am too tired and too beaten down to help him. I'm sure it is beyond my scope anyway, though I do understand him and how he got where he is. I empathize.
But, I see that H=pain. Since I've let him back in recently I have spiraled down. I have just been so depressed. So for my own self-preservation, I have to get away from him (sad irony there).
As for someone who appreciates it, I am feeling a little doubtful at this point that those values are a) sustainable (given the load I need to carry) and b) the town I'm in. But, I am working on shifting my perspective. I am terrified of being hurt...just walked right into an emotional slap with the comedian (predictable as it was).
So, H texted asking if I'm ok.
And emailed complimenting me on something I'm working on.
