Ed, buddy you need to get yourself out of that situation. You're being used as security blanket, and you've convinced yourself it's somehow okay that you help her and she continues to talk with OM while ignoring you.
Sorry bud, but you're being a wuss. And the cost is a lack of respect from her, and self-inflicted internal emotional trauma.
However I freely admit I fell back into controlling habits as she continued to receive calls from the OM and I am sure on some nights when she says she is going out to "get space" I am pretty sure she is meeting with him although she denies it. I'd do all of the controlling things like getting moody when she took his calls etc..
This is a boundary issue and requires some firm clarification by you. It's not controlling that you're hurt when she talks to the OM, it's NORMAL. It's either you or him, no exceptions.
Infidelity is a brutalizing experience. I'd encourage you stand up for your own needs and get some distance from this soul-destroying experience.
I don't care, then I do, then I don't, then I do... la de da
