Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[etrain]

e,

Are you a praying man?

Not normally but I started going to church this past Sunday.

[Thinker]

So right now, she can look at our phone usage but I can't. I can't even look at my own, which is ridiculous.

time for eblaster!

If she knows he can't access her cellphone, I suspect almost everything is on there, and not the home computer. But it might help you capture the cellphone username/password, to get access to the online billing? Or is that what you're suggesting, Steve?

Any source that she does NOT think E can get to, is likely to be a treasure trove of intel.

Puppy

Since you have a phone on the same account, do the following: Go to the providers online website. Use the forgotten password procedure. It will ask you to input your phone number. The procedure will then (most likely) text the password to your phone.

If this only works with the primary phone number, then (if you have access to her phone - ie there is no password and she is in the shower, etc), then do the same with her phone number (and delete the text with the password.

Access to the online account will most likely give you a full history of all calls and texts.

a Keylogger will log the keys typed on the computer. If she uses it, that will give you her email passwords, facebook password, info about any additional email accounts she may have, etc.

I am not sure, but I think that there may also be similar devices that work on the home network, by monitoring the router) and don't have to be installed on the computer itself.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

e,

Are you a praying man?

Not normally but I started going to church this past Sunday.

I honestly don't know how I would have POSSIBLY made it thru my sitch two years ago without God's help. Sitting down with a priest or pastor can also be comforting.

Just ask God to give you STRENGTH and WISDOM and DISCERNMENT. You'll be astounded at who, and what, will come across your path every day. I also found great comfort and wisdom in the Psalms and Proverbs every morning, and since I'm not a big Bible-reading guy, I liked that they were usually SHORT.

Puppy

[etrain]

So right now, she can look at our phone usage but I can't. I can't even look at my own, which is ridiculous.

time for eblaster!

If she knows he can't access her cellphone, I suspect almost everything is on there, and not the home computer. But it might help you capture the cellphone username/password, to get access to the online billing? Or is that what you're suggesting, Steve?

Any source that she does NOT think E can get to, is likely to be a treasure trove of intel.

Puppy

Since you have a phone on the same account, do the following: Go to the providers online website. Use the forgotten password procedure. It will ask you to input your phone number. The procedure will then (most likely) text the password to your phone.

If this only works with the primary phone number, then (if you have access to her phone - ie there is no password and she is in the shower, etc), then do the same with her phone number (and delete the text with the password.

Access to the online account will most likely give you a full history of all calls and texts.

eblaster (or similar) will log the keys typed on the computer. If she uses it, that will give you her email passwords, facebook password, info about any additional email accounts she may have, etc.

I tried that once w/ W's phone. It absolutely won't give you the special billing password you need to view the history. You have to call customer service if you forgot that.

Anyway, I'm leaving work now. I'm a basket case right now.

[Thinker]

I'm sorry. I know how you feel.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

eblaster (or similar) will log the keys typed on the computer. If she uses it, that will give you her email passwords, facebook password, info about any additional email accounts she may have, etc.

While I am as PRO-INTEL ("snooping") as ANYONE on this entire forum (and catch crap about it all the time, lol), please know that you should ONLY do this if you think you can handle what you're going to see, E.

Cuz it ain't pretty. In fact, I almost got physically sick, and it WILL take you longer to get over the images, etc., if you go this route. But if you CAN handle it, you will:

a) likely bust their affair much more quickly (which is no small thing, since every months that an affair continues causes financial, emotional and even medical damage); and

b) give you strong, accurate intel on which to base your strategy and tactics in the weeks and months ahead. (vs. "mind-reading" which is not very accurate AT ALL, or going by what your wife or OM is likely to tell you, which is of NO use as they will only lie).

Puppy

[Thinker]

I ABSOLUTELY agree with Puppy.

I am glad that I snooped. It enabled me blow things open and stop things relatively quickly.

but

It was painful. I still fight off anger at some of the things I found out.

It was VERY hard to stop -- and it is vital that once you find out, you do stop. It can quickly become an obsession and you need to be able to move on with your life.

and

It damaged my R with my W even further than it was, as it painted me in her mind as a controlling snoop. (and her in my mind as a lying cheater).

It is definitely a choice between two evils. I chose to know and deal with the consequences.

The other route to go is to say that you know all that you need to know now (That there is an A going on), and to start taking actions accordingly.

[antlers]

I honesty don't know how I would have POSSIBLY made it thru my sitch two years ago without God's help.

Just ask God to give you STRENGTH and WISDOM and DISCERNMENT. You'll be astounded at who, and what, will come across your path every day.

These are EXACTLY the same things that I've been praying for. And asking Him to help me detatch completely and not be affected by her and what is going on in her life.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I honesty don't know how I would have POSSIBLY made it thru my sitch two years ago without God's help.

Just ask God to give you STRENGTH and WISDOM and DISCERNMENT. You'll be astounded at who, and what, will come across your path every day.

These are EXACTLY the same things that I've been praying for. And asking Him to help me detatch completely and not be affected by her and what is going on in her life.

To tie the most recent posts on this thread together, I'll tell you how it worked for me.

The gathering of INTEL, was largely responsible for helping me DETACH.

I prayed daily to God "to show me whatever I needed to see and hear to make good decisions to my family," and for "discernment to know the truth."

We're supposed to shoot for "loving detachment" in dealing with a cheating spouse. I found that when I boldly "snooped," I had a harder time with the "loving" part of that than I did with the "detachment" part of that, trust me! When faced with the bald-faced evidence of the adultery of the one you care more about than anyone else in the world, it's fairly EASY to "detach." It will, however, be much more difficult to remain "loving," (although I found that it helped to think of her as an addict, which of course she was.)

Puppy

[Ready2Change]

Okay, so do I contact the OM or the OM's wife? I want to expose this A because I honestly can not remain married to my W if this is going on behind my back.

This is a choice you will have to make.

What are your intention? Is it to save M? If you contact OM's wife, she kicks him out, who does he go to?

Any reason to get more "victim triangles" started?

I feel this is between you and W. The less people involved the better. Deal with the A with your W. The issues are between you and her. LISTEN to her and LEARN. LEARN and change. IF not for this relationship, the next.......