When you first start on this journey, you want the statistics. I think we were all at that point where we wanted to know how many marriages are saved, how many can pull through this mess. Unfortunately, no matter how many statistics are quoted, it doesn't matter because in the long run, this is one of life's many unanswered questions.
DR is a great book, but you have to read it for you. I enjoyed the book and it taught me a great many things, but one of the traps that every newcomer falls into is doing the work for the spouse. I did, I am sure there are many here who have done the same thing. I mean, our goal is to reconcile the marriage, right?
Sort of. I mean, obviously we want that. But the thing is that you first have to learn that you cannot control your wife. Nothing you will say or do will make her automatically see your side of it. The only person you can control is you. So this is why we need to listen and validate, because regardless of whether they are right or wrong, it is perceived by the spouse that we have done something wrong.
Ultimately, it is trying to make you a better person for a future relationship, whether it is with your spouse, or someone else. I know this is the last thing you want to think of, but I think it is key to remember the relationship you had with your wife, as it was, is over. Should you both try a NEW relationship, then it will have to be like wiping the slate clean and starting over.
That is a beginning point. Let go of any expectations, let go of "reconciliation..." (I hate that word, becasue ultimately reconcilations don't work). What does work is a new relationship...one based on the things you learn throughout this journey.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
