Well, me and H were texting each other last night and he told me he paid the one loan. I know I need to go dark and detach, believe me I know. But anyway this is what was text.
I think he is having second thoughts. I hope. I didn't thank him for the loan so he said I should have thanked him and it went from there. I told him the loans are his responsibility and I can see that he still doesn't have a heart. We use to joke about that (him not having a heart for some people).
Here goes:
H Yep still no heart its been ripped out stepped on so many times thays why things really don't bother me.
Me U r the one that did that. But I still care for everyone cause I can forgive. U rip peoples hearts out not them. Some day I hope you find your heart. I know its in there somewhere.
H Yeah maybe someday I will find it but its not looking too good.
Me You really need to stop blaming everyone else and start taking blame just like I had too stop blaming everyone and look at what my faults were and still are. Much happier now. It works. Just ask for forgiveness like I did. It feels great. Maybe you need guidance to find it again.
H No don't think I do I took a lot of blame and care if you believe me and that's the truth.
Me So did I. Just forgive yourself and others and things will work out for you. It really does work. I'm happier now that I did it. And things are working out for me.
H Good for you
Me Just try it. You won't be happy until you forgive yourself and others for the hurt that was caused.
H Whatever
Me H I've had my heart stomped on a lot in my life and it hurts big time and put up walls too. But it only made matters worse cause I couldn't trust. But now I can trust again and I feel better.
H Glad to hear that
Me Since I've changed big time and have a lot of people telling me that I'm a great person now and that I'm a beautiful person. I'm glad I can give my trust to people again. Don't care what others think of me anymore either or what they believe cause they don't matter to me.
H I told you years ago to have that attitude and it took this long. Wow I'm happy for you.
Me I know. Thanks. Sorry it took so long. I just wanted people to like and love me and now they do. They respect me more. The ones that matter at least.
H Good for you, maybe I was your down fall but thats ok cause people don't like me much anymore cause I tell them how I feel. Some like it some don't but oh well.
M You weren't my downfall at all. U r the reason I changed. You were a good father and husband. I was your downfall maybe. You weren't happy with me and now you are happy. So it must have been me.
H I was happy you were not my down fall. Guess we expected more from each other.
M We are only human and far from perfect and have our faults. Everyone has their faults. That's why we are human. And me shouldn't have expected more cause we did our best. Just should have communicated better that's all and talked to each other and not other people about our problems. And not let them convince us to do what they thought was best for us (his parents telling him to leave). Only me and you know what was best for us. Not anyone else. Thats where we went wrong. We both listened to others instead of each other.
H Yep, I have to drive now so I can't type anymore. Sorry.
M Know you can't talk but I was happy too. H, we need to make our own decisions from now on and not let other people interfere. We let them mess our marriage up and the kids also. And since we agree we let that happen and were happy together and don't care what other people thing anymore lets make our decisions anymore. Ok? The hell with what other people say or think. We are adults and need to live our lives the way we want to. Not the way they want us to.
