I know in my heart it's the right thing to do no matter how much it hurts.
Honestly, I don't have a game plan of what to do or say if he's not gone by this weekend. I know he's been playing me all along so it will be no surprise if he does it again. He is the master of manipulation. You'd think I would have anticipated him not leaving but I have not. I think part of me is still in shock that it has gotten to this point. That mixed with denial is why I am now perplexed!
Ashlee,
This stuff IS difficult -- probably the most difficult (and also counter-intuitive) -- thing you will have ever had to do.
But it should NOT be "perplexing."
In fact, this "script" that we often talk about, can be used to your advantage. In fact, I can help you predict just about everything he's going to do, before he does it. Between me (who knows affairs, and their "scripts") and you (who knows your husband better than anyone on the planet besides himself), don't you think it's very reasonable for us to think we can predict NOW what he will try to do, or what he'll try to NOT to?
I was told this by a parenting seminar guy once, but it applies to wayward marriages, too: the mistakes we make (as parents/LBSs) is that we don't anticipate what our (child/cheating spouse) is likely to do or say, and to PLAN AHEAD OF TIME how we are going to handle it. Instead, we get caught up in the anger of the moment, and we REACT -- usually, poorly, and unproductively.
In fact, not to swing a 2x4 at you, but you've been very reactionary, haven't you?
Well, resolve that that's going to start changing, RIGHT NOW. If you have to, write it out, and rehearse it out loud when you're alone. Write out the script as if it were a play, and you are the playwrite, and write down what your husband is going to say and do, and then practice what YOU are going to say or do to respond to him.
Calmly. Forcefully. With conviction, and great eye contact.
Ashlee, I'm a salesman by trade, and I'm pretty damned good at it, and I'm also very social and not at ALL shy. But when it comes to confrontations, I SUCK AT IT, and this really helped me when I had to do my initial confrontation -- and then my RE-confrontation -- of my wife.
And, if I may be so bold . . . I NAILED THAT SUCKA!!!
Make TODAY the day you STOP REACTING to him, and HIS agenda. Cuz guess what? HE (and his girlfriend) do NOT have your marriage's -- or your family's -- best interests at heart right now. So why would you let someone who doesn't have its best interests at heart, dictate the rules and timeline?
YOU need to do that. You won't be able to control ALL of it, but you CAN begin to exert some influence, using your husband's own predictability to your advantage.
