so question:: XH has started to tell kids about OW how wonderful she is she has a D11 who lives out of stste( obviously she abandoned the child) that he may Marry her a;right he already did so MY D 14 thinks dad seems happier now than before He appears to be sober and much better than before he seems more available to kids
NOW QUESTION: What would you guys do at this point about OW wife XH is not going to say we had an affair MY new wife helped detroy our family she abandoned her own child she sometimes smokes drinks ect shes only 28 Do I let my d14 go into this thinking they just met?? Is it my place to tell her MY D is innocent and youbg for 14 she will not suspect or even understand what cheating meansd or at this point do I start letting it all go and just let my kids *AND ONLY FOR THE KIDS SAKE) BELIEVE THEIR FATHER IS A RESPECTABLE MAN AND HIS NEW WIFE IS OK
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I don't have kids, so take this with a grain of salt but, do not let your ex straight out lie to your daughter, this woman is not a nice person, has abandoned her child, and does drugs legal or illegal, and enables your ex to do the same.
Hi peace, Think about what it is you want to protect your kids from. I have often been asked difficult questions by my too-wise-for-his-age 7yo - mostly due to my H not addressing any issues with him. Instead of making my H out to be a bad guy, which I think would do more harm than telling S the truth, I've decided that for now, I'd like to protect my S's innocence. Usually, I try to turn it around and ask S how he feels about whatever it is that he's asking me about so he can form his own opinion. Not sure if I'm doing the right thing though...
Your D is much older so I'm not sure how much she understands about the sitch. I believe that the truth always comes out in time. Personally, I don't think it's necessary for her to know the whole truth at this age.
Wow, that's a tough one, peace. I know exactly how you feel about him getting to "fake being a decent guy".
However, my C was very clear on keeping the kids "out of the middle" if at all possible. This does not mean lying to them! It just means not volunteering information that may hurt them. If they ask or bring up a touchy subject, I would say be honest but sensitive of their position. In other words don't vilify their father, but you don't have to lie either.
So, I guess I'm saying the ball is in your kids court. Follow their lead, and try to be as sensitive and supportive to them and respectful of their feelings for their dad.
And, I think you might be surprised at how much your 14 year old knows......
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
This is what I have learned from my own experience AND from others that I have watched and lived affairs with.
IF you try and "SHOW" the truth it WILL BLOW UP in your face!! IT WILL!!! Dont try and "EXPOSE HIM.."let her figure it out as she goes along. If she sees her dad as a loving father that is ok.. Really come on Peace you know this.. LET HER SEE HER DAD for what she sees.
USE WISDOM on this one and FIGHT that emotion!!! FIGHT IT!!! Emotions do NOT do us any good (when they RULE us). Your daughter probably knows alot more then she will ever let on. AND she needs to feel SAFE with you to SHARE with you EVERYTHING... let her have her thoughts.
In regards to OW I do know this.. (From my own experience) OW #2 the real bimbo at catalyst to my marriage was in my d13's life for about 9 months. She lived with x for about 5 months of that time.. BUT anytime he had d13 bimbo was there... AND this was the hardest part.. She was GOOD to my daughter.. nice and all that jazz. IT HURT LIKE HE**!! The worst was her 5th grade graduation when x gave her flowers and a card and tehy BOTH SIGNED THEM!!! THE B** signed the freakin' card!! i was so very very hurt.. BUT I kept my mouth shut.. and you know what my daughter dealt with it on her own.
14 year old divorced kids are different.. the see and here things.. WAY more then we want them to and way more then we think they did. She will figure it out -- but let her..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I decided I would not talk to xh anymore except in emergencies this is hard as we work together, but Im so tired of his BS He is disrespectfu; and constantly angry at me A friend said he is angry b/c I made him look at himself I set boundries..I stopped the party at work My brother told me today a little about OW b/c H and brothre both worked there at the time of OW was secretary in 2005 We tracked it back and brother shared..it made me sick He thought OW was a leech looking for a free ride she came here from anoither state with a guy--left her only child smokes drinks and parties had breast surgery was 24 at time..attractive she went with H full knowing the truth together they hid it from me and brother I had such a bad feeling about my xh today how he planned this the affair..he had money coming in and he wanted to be a bigshot How he never thought about how much pain I was in or how the kids would be and still doesnt care..he is pathetic I do not think I want to have any kind of R with him he is abusive angry and inconsistant
to change the note Im having some closeness with BF and Im not sure I want this either I do not want to get into another R Maybe a light friendship but nothing serious this is hard and I know He is not what I want..timing is off yet everything flows so easy this phase is so cocnfusing b/c it is the easiest phase in any R the attraction everything is fun, easy and almost perfect--that is not real so I need to take a few steps back here to figure this out Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
This has been very hard.. and I know you are trying ot move forwrad in your life.
Keep moving forward. I have not had the fortune, or the time or really teh energy to start a relationship. BUT I am sure the attention and affection is nice.
Heal my friend... deep inner healing... that is what I wish for you.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
My STBXH's GF is supposedly a great person. A successful career woman. Minister's daughter, but shares a bottle of wine with him every night and likes to go to hockey games with him and his friends (I used to love doing that too, but STBXH wanted "guy time"!).
I don't know which is more painful...... yes, it hurts like he** that your XH destroyed the family over a skank..... but it makes it easy to hate her!! In my sitch, she so nice and my S18 thinks she "cool"..... and I hate it and want to tear her hair out, so I look like the emotional basket case!
As for your BF..... just take it slow and easy. Remember, you don't have to make all your life decisions today. Don't let fear jip you out of something potentially wonderful if it grows..... on the other hand, you don't have to jump in hook, line and sinker either. One day at a time.
And just because everything is "fun, easy and almost perfect" doesn't mean it's not real..... at least I sure hope not!!
Take care.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
In my sitch, she so nice and my S18 thinks she "cool"..... and I hate it and want to tear her hair out, so I look like the emotional basket case! 
