my W doesn't regret her affair

[Hope4us]

Future, It doesn't surprise me that your W doesn't regret the A. In fact, I've read a ton of books since my W's A and the majority of them state that a good majority of people do not regret the A itself. Regret hurting you? Yes. Regret how it affected the family? Yes. Regret the actual A? Not so much.

My sitch is a lot like yours. We never separated, but I don't think my W regrets the A. Now that we are reconciling, I know the A pains her and I know it pains her for the hurt I feel, but I truly don't think she regrets the A.

I feel the thing you really need to examine is, like Stuck said, what was going on that drove her to that point. You really need to examine why she would feel like an A was the right thing to do.

LISTEN to her. REALLY LISTEN. And you'll get clues. And then work on those things. Don't tell her you are working on them. Actions mean everything. Right now she may feel it's hopeless, but your job is to not pressure her, validate her feelings and SHOW her that you guys CAN have a future. Once she commits back to the marriage, then you can discuss those things more openly.

And BTW, as long as she's still in contact with OM, your work is cut out for you. ONLY when she ends all contact with him will her feelings begin to come back for you.

Hope this helps.