After successfully detaching/GAL'ing last night, I regressed bigtime this morning. When my W woke up sick to her stomach & vomiting...just like last time she went out "w/ coworkers", something just didn't feel right. While she was in the shower, I decided to check her car.
I found condoms hidden in the glove compartment.
I HAD to confront her...and I did.
I tried to approach it like you guys suggested...stopped her when she started to lie & told her it's disrespectful & I deserve the truth. I said I deserve the truth so I can have the info I need to go on w/ my life.
At first she "had no idea" how the condoms got there. C'mon, I'm not an idiot. It was like pulling teeth but she eventually admitted to an EA...says it's been going on for "a couple weeks". She's attracted to the OM and considered making it a PA...that's why she had the condoms. Said she just couldn't do that to me & it never got physical.
As I think you probably already know, E, she's lying. It's highly likely that they've already had sex, perhaps as recently as last nite. Was the box of condoms still full, or were there any missing?
I say this not to shock you, but to try to get you to realize early on the physical possibility, to come to grips with it, and deal with it accordingly. I know it feels like a cannonball shot right to your chest (because I've been there), but really, if you ask a woman, they will tell you that ONLY A DUMB-ASS MALE would ever say "it's 'only' an emotional affair." To a woman, the EA is MUCH worse than a PA when they find out their husband has been cheating on them. Us men put a premium on the physical, but to her, the romantic, emotional attachment is the more meaningful thing.
So what I'm saying is, it really doesn't make a difference, so you might as well come to grips with the idea now that it has probably happened, and stop making that distinction.
This is why I try to get LBSs to use protection if they decide to continue to ML to their wayward spouses.
Today is going to suck for you, and I'm sure you're reeling. MEDS DEFINITELY HELP -- have you talked to your doctor about anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds? Mine gave me two -- one for long-term "evening out" (and those do take 2-3 weeks to start to take effect, so if you're going to go this route, the sooner you get on them, the better), and one for immediate anxiety/panic attacks. The latter -- although I only had to use them three or four times -- were DEFINITELY a huge help on days like you're going to have today.
It also helps to be around family or a close male friend. DON'T DO ANYTHING TODAY -- give it 24, 48 or even 72 hours. Your wife is going to be all over you today, demanding to know "what you intend to do" about this new "suspicion" you have.
She doesn't deserve an answer; you need to make this decision on YOUR timetable, and you can feel free to tell her that. Say "I'm not sure what I'm going to do; I have some decisions to make." Let her know -- and feel -- that this is NOT her decision to make; that you can't control her, or stop her from having an affair, but you CAN do what's best for YOU and your family, and you have your own decisions to make.
Hang in there -- I'll try to check in on you today.
