Okay, so do I contact the OM or the OM's wife? I want to expose this A because I honestly can not remain married to my W if this is going on behind my back.
YES -- expose to his wife; she deserves to know. But if you talk directly to him, it:
- will elevate his status. Think "the President of the US negotiating directly with some rag-tag terrorist." He's not worth it.
- will make you look WEAK in your wife's and OM's eyes, believe it or not. In fact, they will probably have a good LAUGH at your conversation with him, as he'll try to puff himself up to your wife;
- will yield NO useful information.
On that last point, think of it this way: this man, by definition, is a PREDATOR. And ALL CHEATERS LIE -- period. So what information could he possibly give you that would be useful? At best, he's going to lie to you, and at worst, he's going to tell you something that you're going to TRY to believe, and it will be nothing but smoke and obfuscation.
And I haven't even touched upon the whole subject of "do you think you could remain calm and control yourself in such a confrontation?" Even if you DO, I have heard of OM/OW calling the police and trying to make it look like you're harrassing them, and turning everything against YOU.
Nope -- nothing good from contacting OM. If you want to confront someone, confront your WIFE, and expose to the other man's wife.
