Thanks Dia. I hope you have a great night out on the left coast.
I made it to bed without any issue. W is reading downstairs. She gave me a hug on the way into "my" room. She spent most of the evening watching TV in what used to be "our" room while S and I were downstairs. It's clear she's having a hard time.
Maybe that's a good thing.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I hate these nights. You can never quite put your finger on whats different, but you feel it.
That's why I come here. People who know exactly the feeling that I am talking about.
I would imagine that she's having some pretty big conflicting issues again. Nothing was said, but she's been hell bent on leaving and now had some pretty significant closeness with me. Those two things couldn't coexist in one heart or head very nicely with eachother.
I think she may be having an issue seeing me GAL after hearing me tell her that I'm preparing for my new life that won't include her too. Dinner was on the table when I got home. W and S were sitting there waiting for me. There was a cold beer at my spot.
When I walked in and I was on the phone with someone laughing and enjoying myself, W clammed up and was off for the rest of the night.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I think she may be having an issue seeing me GAL after hearing me tell her that I'm preparing for my new life that won't include her too. Dinner was on the table when I got home. W and S were sitting there waiting for me. There was a cold beer at my spot.
When I walked in and I was on the phone with someone laughing and enjoying myself, W clammed up and was off for the rest of the night.
Thats all good. She wanted to please you and you have an affect on her. Sounds like your GAL'ing is working. Keep it up.
I hate these nights. You can never quite put your finger on whats different, but you feel it.
That's why I come here. People who know exactly the feeling that I am talking about.
I would imagine that she's having some pretty big conflicting issues again. Nothing was said, but she's been hell bent on leaving and now had some pretty significant closeness with me. Those two things couldn't coexist in one heart or head very nicely with eachother.
I think she may be having an issue seeing me GAL after hearing me tell her that I'm preparing for my new life that won't include her too. Dinner was on the table when I got home. W and S were sitting there waiting for me. There was a cold beer at my spot.
When I walked in and I was on the phone with someone laughing and enjoying myself, W clammed up and was off for the rest of the night.
Sounds like you are having an affect on her. Just a cautious little reminder not to get hung up on what she might be thinking - no mindreading. Just focus on you, not her thoughts.
Your happiness must be hitched to how you feel about YOU. Making your happiness depend on her thoughts, actions, words, moods is dangerous and unhealthy - it's called co-dependence. And I used to have that problem too.
Keep doing what you are doing, but only do it for you.
Your happiness must be hitched to how you feel about YOU. .
Amen. Gotta detatch completely and not be affected by her or what is going on in her life at all. Easier said than done, but worth the effort nonetheless...and necessary.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I am less attached that's for sure, but not 'detached' at this point. It's hard to do when we were sleeping together and cuuddling only a few days ago.
I want to be understanding and compassionate after periods like that. Nothing 'codependent.' I don't really like that term. People seem to have a tendency to lean on that and make it sound as selfishness and inconsideration are good and caring about your spouses feelings is some kind of mental disorder when talking about codep.
In my opinion one would have to be going to extremes for that to apply. May be just my view.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
that pullback thing they do is the death of me. One or 2 days of happiness and back to the old cold ways.
My wife says i emotionally jack her up, but still wanted to be close and ml and all that. This week is like the second bomb hit again, I guess i shouldn't be surprised but i was.
The waffling is back and forth. I am dreading the MC today. I have a plan today. I am going to act as if at the MC...I am not going to say a peep....and just validate. I will have a sunflower waiting for her at the end of the session.
