I guess we both do. We're on the same cell phone account...family plan...and it's paid out of our joint checking account. Just happens to be under her name since we used her employer's discount.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
After successfully detaching/GAL'ing last night, I regressed bigtime this morning. When my W woke up sick to her stomach & vomiting...just like last time she went out "w/ coworkers", something just didn't feel right. While she was in the shower, I decided to check her car.
I found condoms hidden in the glove compartment.
I HAD to confront her...and I did.
I tried to approach it like you guys suggested...stopped her when she started to lie & told her it's disrespectful & I deserve the truth. I said I deserve the truth so I can have the info I need to go on w/ my life.
At first she "had no idea" how the condoms got there. C'mon, I'm not an idiot. It was like pulling teeth but she eventually admitted to an EA...says it's been going on for "a couple weeks". She's attracted to the OM and considered making it a PA...that's why she had the condoms. Said she just couldn't do that to me & it never got physical.
Took a LOT more for me to eventually get her to say who the OM is...the out of state coworker I discovered in the email exchange. I'm not sure I believe her. I think she was trying to come up w/ the "least hurtful" name, if that makes sense. W said she's ashamed to admit the EA. I still think she's lying. When I confront her w/ "proof", she only admits to the least serious "offense". The email exchage I found was the first time they every got flirty. I found condoms but she never used any of them. Really hard to believe any of those things.
She claims the OM isn't in town & she really went out with other coworkers last night. I don't believe her. There's a call on her cell to a local, romantic-type restaurant...yet she claims the "group" went to a different restaurant. I didn't ask her about that but I'm considering doing some investigating to find out if this guy really is in town and if they went to that romantic restaurant. I have a feeling she was out on a "date" with OM while I was watching our S & I cannot allow that to continue.
Even after flat out asking her to be honest & not disrepect me or our family, I still feel like she's only giving me part of the story. We finished our discussion with her still wanting to S so she can get her thoughts together & decide what she wants to do. I have a feeling our conversation may have pushed her further away & she'll be speeding up the apartment hunting process. But I deserve the TRUTH!
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
When my W woke up sick to her stomach & vomiting...just like last time she went out "w/ coworkers",
Quote:
I found condoms hidden in the glove compartment.
Quote:
There's a call on her cell to a local, romantic-type restaurant...
Red Flags
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
you will never get the truth. so forget about that right now. and no you cannot let this continue. there is nothing wrong with saying, "The cheating has got to stop."
IF you feel you have "pushed her further away & she'll be speeding up the apartment hunting process," I'd like to ask does that really concern you right now?
At first she "had no idea" how the condoms got there.
Quote:
EA...says it's been going on for "a couple weeks". She's attracted to the OM and considered making it a PA...that's why she had the condoms.
Quote:
I think she was trying to come up w/ the "least hurtful" name, if that makes sense.
Quote:
When I confront her w/ "proof", she only admits to the least serious "offense". The email exchage I found was the first time they every got flirty. I found condoms but she never used any of them. Really hard to believe any of those things.
Quote:
I still feel like she's only giving me part of the story.
This seems to be a standard part of the script. I had a similar situation. Each time I found something it was the "Only Time" and it had only been going on for "a few days", etc etc.
I think it was Puppy who told me that Cheaters, when caught, will always admit to one level less than what has actually been happening - if it is an EA, it was only a short term flirt, if it was a PA, then it was only an EA, etc.
I am really sorry you are in this sitch etrain. I really am. I know what it feels like and it SUCKS!!
I think you are doing the right thing, even it it does seem to hasten the S. You are not hastening the S, the A is! You CAN NOT fix your M until the A is over. The A most often does not end until it is exposed. Once it is exposed, the fantasy and the excitement can disappear along with it.
Stay Strong. You are handling it.
You have to have a plan - write it down if you have to. "If this A does not end immediately then I will..." Get it firm in your mind, tell her what you have decided, and then, if she does not immediately agree to end the affair and provide full transparency, start executing your plan.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
