Stuck in the Middle with You

[saffie]

Red,

That is a song.

Are you sure this is about your M per se?

I ask you this because I go through periods of discontent and depression....and I blame it on my M and what has happened. My H knocked the sh!t out of my confidence with what he did when he had his A and he convinced me no-one liked me and I was a bad person. that takes a lot of coming back from. However my H is great now and yet I get cross with him, (and I find it oh so hard to trust him).....you know just listening to him breathe sometimes irritates the crap out of me. Hows that old saying go? "If you can here your H breathing next to you when you are in bed at night, you aren't pushing the pillow down on his face hard enough!"

However, when I really get too near the nub of the truth, which I don't like doing, I realise the problem is with me...mostly. I am hating aging, whilst my H embraces it and doesn't worry if he gets a bit thicker round the waist line, ( although I do find I hate the weight he puts on). The children are getting older- my eldest just left for university- and I hate that; I don't want an empty nest but H looks forward to all the things he and I will be able to do together. I am scared about the next stage of my life whilst my H looks forward to it. I am jealous of my eldest D and what she is going through at Uni - I loved that time of my life; no real responsibilities and lots of fun living with folks my own age. I am sure hormones are having some play in all of this too.

I don't want to get old.

Things can't stay in the honey moon phase all the time. It just isn't realistic. I know that materially I am very lucky - I have my horses etc. I am lucky that my children are all happy and healthy and clever. I am lucky that my H is attentive and now that I have started doing some part-time work, (which I chose to do to occupy myself), he is really helping at home to make things easier for me. But sometimes it just isn't enough. What am I looking for? Why am I discontented? I think we just go through phases. I try very hard to look at the positives.....although sometimes I just have to sit and have a good cry.

Red, you are not alone in how you are feeling, but perhaps it is you you need to look at rather than your H. Could you be having some MLC tendencies?

((((((HUGS)))))))