Just don't react. Sounds like she's putting on a show for you to prove how young and independant and happy she is. With such a big show, I'm not convinced. Don't let it get to you. She will have to deal with the real world - but she will only do it when she's ready, certainly not because you tell her to.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I agree. She is like a rebellious teenager right now and the more you "disapprove" of how she looks or acts.....the worse she will be. (Encouraging...huh?) The sad thing also, is that others will just shake their heads in utter confusion at what she is displaying.
I agree with you both- I recognize it for what it is- and I am choosing not to react to this nonsense.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
BJ, where are you at as far as D proceedings? Is WAW moving out, or plan on it?
Initial mediation completed as you know and appears right now that 50/50 custody is going to stick. My W is going to move out but her departure date has not been determined yet. Her job search continues along a at a slow uninspired pace, we have agreed in principle to use community resources to assist her in getting her own place which given her underemployment translates to buying her out of her share of the equity in the family residence.
We have a preliminary hearing in court later this month during which additional details will be hammered out. The only other issue on the table is a stay away order related to my W's OM- she and her L are countering that the stay away order should be unilateral and cover ANY significant other my W or I may get involved in, the stipulation being that only if a significant other may become a permanent fixture (i.e. marriage) then they can be introduced to the kids. I'm agreeable to this but I still want OM individually named since he is such a scumbag- even though it is unlikely that he and my W will become a permanent item while she resides in California with the kids.
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My WAW is in a play world right now as well, but part of that is I provide for the family, so I feel she is taking advantage of that, and has no plans to move forward on her own.
Yes, my W also is in a "play world"- just tonight she was spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer shopping for new furniture for her new place which she has no money for at the moment. My thought was to suggest she help me research refinancing options instead- you know, put the horse before the cart- but I held my tongue and just walked away. It's sometimes hard to gauge exactly where my W's head is at, but she doesn't appear to be spending too much time in reality.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
BJ, where are you at as far as D proceedings? Is WAW moving out, or plan on it?
Initial mediation completed as you know and appears right now that 50/50 custody is going to stick. My W is going to move out but her departure date has not been determined yet. Her job search continues along a at a slow uninspired pace, we have agreed in principle to use community resources to assist her in getting her own place which given her underemployment translates to buying her out of her share of the equity in the family residence.
We have a preliminary hearing in court later this month during which additional details will be hammered out. The only other issue on the table is a stay away order related to my W's OM- she and her L are countering that the stay away order should be unilateral and cover ANY significant other my W or I may get involved in, the stipulation being that only if a significant other may become a permanent fixture (i.e. marriage) then they can be introduced to the kids. I'm agreeable to this but I still want OM individually named since he is such a scumbag- even though it is unlikely that he and my W will become a permanent item while she resides in California with the kids.
Quote:
My WAW is in a play world right now as well, but part of that is I provide for the family, so I feel she is taking advantage of that, and has no plans to move forward on her own.
Yes, my W also is in a "play world"- just tonight she was spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer shopping for new furniture for her new place which she has no money for at the moment. My thought was to suggest she help me research refinancing options instead- you know, put the horse before the cart- but I held my tongue and just walked away. It's sometimes hard to gauge exactly where my W's head is at, but she doesn't appear to be spending too much time in reality.
why not sell the home, split it and then you don't have to worry about giving her the share of equity in the home.
Your thought was right, she should help investigate refinancing options, no one says you have to shoulder the entire load of responsibilities - in fact making it easy on her is exactly what you've done for so long, maybe it's time for her to have a dose of reality - stop helping her.
Agreeing in principle to use "community resources" is still making this easy on her. Don't agree to it, let her plunk down cash for more legal expense and get it in writing.
why not sell the home, split it and then you don't have to worry about giving her the share of equity in the home.
Your thought was right, she should help investigate refinancing options, no one says you have to shoulder the entire load of responsibilities - in fact making it easy on her is exactly what you've done for so long, maybe it's time for her to have a dose of reality - stop helping her.
Agreeing in principle to use "community resources" is still making this easy on her. Don't agree to it, let her plunk down cash for more legal expense and get it in writing.
I don't want to sell the house for a number of reasons- loss of future equity, good location and most importantly for my kids sake. So I'm not considering selling the house as an option- at least not for now.
As far as the refinancing goes, right now my attitude is the hell with it, I'll do it because I'm the one that wants to keep the house. This will be one of my final acts as my W's H anyways. Your right about the dose of reality- my W needs it badly- she will just have to face "reality" without me.
As to making my W work to get agreement to use community resources to move out- I've got to pick and choose my battles. I understand where you are coming from, but I have to remain consistent as someone who is willing to be reasonable, flexible and be able to work with my W. This is especially important given the child custody issue.
Hey thanks for stopping by RobX. I appreciate your continued interest in my sitch.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Your thought was right, she should help investigate refinancing options, no one says you have to shoulder the entire load of responsibilities - in fact making it easy on her is exactly what you've done for so long, maybe it's time for her to have a dose of reality - stop helping her.
Agreeing in principle to use "community resources" is still making this easy on her. Don't agree to it, let her plunk down cash for more legal expense and get it in writing.
BJ, this is exactly what I am talking about in terms of "forcing her hand." You may need to go to more extreme options to stop being such an excellent provider to stop her from taking advantage of you so much.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
