Hope you enjoyed the trip. Just wanted to let you know the marriage counselor called and said he had an opening tomorrow. I can’t make it then, so I told him to keep it on the 15th. The girls did well this past weekend.
-Tristan
--W---------------------------------------------
Hi there,
I am back… The trip was very nice. Arizona is so beautiful and the Grand Canyon was just that GRAND and magnificent. It was a really great experience; it is such great place for meditation. I think I had my best meditation ever… I feel so close to God, strange for me to say since I haven’t felt him/her in so long. I am glad that you and the girls did well this weekend. Thanks for taking care of them. I really needed to get away…
Regarding the counseling, the 15th works for me. Tomorrow is too soon to get the time off.
Once again, thanks!! W
--M-------------------------------------
I am very happy for you! I need to ask you about your birthday. Are you still up to going out for a bit that evening? And what about the carseat?
Thanks, -Tristan
--W-------------------------------
Thanks!
Re my birthday, it would be nice to go out if you are still up to doing that…
Do you have the car seat?
--M-------------------------------
I guess you didn’t check your text messages.
Yes, I forgot the car seat in the Rendezvous. It’s up to you on what you would like me to do? I can get it back home by 6:00 today.
I am up for going out on Saturday. I have a place we can go.
--W---------------------------
I don’t have text messaging in my work phone, remember???
Yes, I need the car seat however; I could ask daycare friend if you are not able to get there on time. Just let me know.
Great! I am looking forward to it.
--------------------------------
So at this point I called to figure out what to do with the carseat. We decided at that point we could go out to eat. We met at my place where we greeted each other with hugs and kisses. So take the 2x4 to my head, it seems I was obsessing over nothing this past weekend.
During the dinner we were talking about W's trip. And she asks "Is Texas like Arizona?" This is relevant because we have an option to move to Texas for my work. We seriously considered it earlier this summer partly because she wanted to get away from OM. D5: "When are we going to move to Texas?"
W's eyes tear up.
M:"You OK?" W: <Shaking her head yes> "Its just we would be there right now if it weren't for me." M: "Do you want to talk about it?" W: "Later."
We go back to her place and I help put them to bed. W gave me a present from the trip; an Indian ceramic plate with a turtle etched in it. I have hung it up in my bedroom. After putting the girls to bed we sit on the sofa. I wait for her tosay something. W: "Do you believe in God?" M: "Yes. I sort of need too." W: "I'm beginning to believe again too. Do you pray?" M: "Yes." W: "What do you pray about?" M: "I pray for you. Me. The Girls. Us." W: "Do you want to pray?" - she holds her hands out for mine M: <Stumbling> "Sure. I um.." W: "You have never prayed out loud?" M: "Not really." W: "I'll start."
She thanks God for everything she has; life, me, the girls, a wonderful famiily. The asks for the strength to be a good mom, a good wife, and to keep the family together. She says "I really want to keep this family together. Please, please heal my mind." Her hands clinching mine, her voice trembling, tears were rolling down both our faces. I prayed for God to give me strength to be a better man, for him to help W find happiness, and for the girls. I really hope there is someone out there listening; because we could really use the help.
We hug. Then M: "Are you OK, you seem different since the end of last week." W: "You noticed?" M: "Just a bit." W: "I am really depressed." <pauses with scared look> "I am having thoughts of killing myself. Don't worry, I won't do it. I wouldn't do that to the girls." M: "You know you can always call me. It doesn't need to be me. Call anyone." W: "I know. Don't worry. I won't do it." M: "Have you talked to IC?" W: "No, not in a while. I think I need a new one. I am in no better place now than when I started with her." M: "What about psych?" W: "No, but I will make an appointment." M: "Is this the deepest one in a while?" W: "Yes. It's been a long time." ... W: "I was walking in the airport and saw a guy that looked like you. He was with a lady with long dark curly hair" (W has long dark curly hair) "and he was caressing her back the same way you caress mine. I had to run to the bathroom for a while because I couldn't stop crying. I thought 'I would die if I ever saw you like that with another woman.' Anyway, I went through all of this to say I love you."
I am worried. She has had thoughts of killing herself on and off throughout our marriage, but I have always been in the same house. It is completely different when I know she is alone.
The night ended nicely. We talked about some lighter things. Kissed each other good night.
M: "Have a good night." W: "You too. Try to stay warm." M: <pause and look back with smile> "You know it would be easier if there were someone in my bed." W: <smiles and shoos me away and closes the door> W: <opens the door> "pssst." M: "Hmm" W: "Maybe on Saturday."
