My sitch...long but please indulge me

[billclay18]

We talked and it was very businesslike.

Good news: No real issues with the paperwork; The house was a non-issue. The only way she would have to share the loss in equity is if I sold the house soon at it's current value, which I wouldn't do. The fact is I really can't sell it until it's get near the value it was 4 yrs ago, which hopefully will be in the spring. Basically she's relinquishing any claim to the house, which is all I wanted anyway. One other small issue that needs to be handled by a lawyer, nothing major.

Bad news: It's over.

[Gardener]

billclay,
I've been reading along and just now catching up after a few days off:

2. Unlike most folks on this site, I've been thru this before. It sucks and it's painful, but I know I'll get past it, move on and be happy...regardless of the outcome.

3. Other than struggling to pay the mortgage, there are no financial ramifications for me.

4. We have no kids together, so there are no custody issues. Although I love and miss my stepD's, they're old enough to decide for themselves what, if any, relationship they want to have with me.

5. If the D does happen...once it's over, it's over. My W will no longer be a part of my life any way, shape or form unless I want her to be.

Ditto.

I think I reached an epiphany last night. Someone asked me a question that put my whole sitch in perspective. The question was simple and the answer even more simple. "Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?" My answer..."I don't".

Double ditto.
Bravo.

[billclay18]

Thanks Gardener for visiting and the thumbs up.

The one issue yet to be resolved may not be as minor as I indicated, but nothing that shouldn't be easily rectified by a lawyer. Just some legalese to relieve me of any liability regarding her vehicle which is in my name.

I'm really glad my W and I talked tonight. I was very apprehensive, but we were cordial and there was no animosity. I am letting her go with no strings attached. I thought I'd be upset, but I'm not...actually quite relieved. We should be divorced by the end of the year.

[RedSoxFan]

I'm really glad my W and I talked tonight. I was very apprehensive, but we were cordial and there was no animosity. I am letting her go with no strings attached. I thought I'd be upset, but I'm not...actually quite relieved. We should be divorced by the end of the year.

Glad you're doing OK. Been thinking about you.

[billclay18]

Thanks Ben. This isn't what I wanted, but maybe it's for the best. Who knows, now that I'm not holding her back, maybe she'll stop to think about what she's running from, but I'm not counting on that. Moving on to bigger and better things I hope.

I'll keep my eye on your sitch. Can't give you much advice on marriage, but if you do head towards D, I unfortunately have much experience in that area.

[billclay18]

Well, it's never as easy as you think it will be. The last financial issue to be resolved was W's car, on which title, loan and insurance is in my name. Obviously that needs to be changed because I can't have her car on my credit once we're divorced. Reasons go without saying. W will either have to buy it outright from me or we could sell it. Neither is a great option for various reasons.

I contacted lender to find out if loan can be transferred. They said yes as long as her credit is approved, which is no slam dunk since she has poor credit, a bankruptcy on her record (thus the reason the car was in my name) and sporadic work history.

Here's the funny part. W asks me if her credit is denied, will I co-sign for the loan. What???? It's comical. The whole point is to get my name off the loan and relieve me of any insurance liability. Yikes!

[RedSoxFan]

Well, it's never as easy as you think it will be. The last financial issue to be resolved was W's car, on which title, loan and insurance is in my name. Obviously that needs to be changed because I can't have her car on my credit once we're divorced. Reasons go without saying. W will either have to buy it outright from me or we could sell it. Neither is a great option for various reasons.

I contacted lender to find out if loan can be transferred. They said yes as long as her credit is approved, which is no slam dunk since she has poor credit, a bankruptcy on her record (thus the reason the car was in my name) and sporadic work history.

Here's the funny part. W asks me if her credit is denied, will I co-sign for the loan. What???? It's comical. The whole point is to get my name off the loan and relieve me of any insurance liability. Yikes!

Unbelievable. I predict that one of these days she's going wake up and come crawling back to you. You may not be there anymore but I can see it happening.

Kind of funny. My car is in W's name. We always alternated loans and leases and we traded cars a few times which got us out of sync. Fortunately I'm trustworthy ;-)

[billclay18]

Unbelievable. I predict that one of these days she's going wake up and come crawling back to you. You may not be there anymore but I can see it happening.

I don't see it happening...she's too proud.

With her credit and job history, trust is an issue. Originally one of the stipulations I put in the paperwork was that if she became in arrears in her car or insurance payments, I reserve the right to take possession of the car and sell it. I kept a set of keys. But I have since decided that isn't an option.

The other issues are that when I sell the house and need to get a mortgage or buy a new car down the road, I don't want her car debt on my record. Financing is tougher now than ever. Another issue is that as long as the car is in my name, I can be liable for any lawsuits filed in the event she or my stepD get in a serious accident. Insurance has max liability limits.

It may seem I'm being cold hearted and calculating about this, but it's nothing personal. It's business and I'm covering my butt.

[pearlharbr]

I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like you're headed toward D full steam ahead.

Remember to keep focus on your own journey. It's great that you're taking care of business, you absolutely should protect yourself financially. But don't shut down emotionally. You need to deal with what went wrong in this R so you won't make the same mistakes in the next R.

You must engage in GAL activities! Stop putting yourself last. You are responsible for your own happiness so do some things that make you happy. What are you doing with that money from the tv sale?

I'm heading out of town for the weekend so I'm not ignoring you. I'll be back Tuesday. And when I'm back I want to read about all the fun stuff you did!

[billclay18]

I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like you're headed toward D full steam ahead.

No need to be sorry. I'm relieved to be out of limbo-land.

You must engage in GAL activities! Stop putting yourself last. You are responsible for your own happiness so do some things that make you happy.

I did put myself last and I think it lead to subconscious resentment. Not W's fault...my choice.

What are you doing with that money from the tv sale?

Haven't got it yet, moving the TV this weekend...when I get it, spend 1/2 on myself, 1/2 in the bank.

Have a great weekend !