A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

You know, I think he *has* been reading. After you posted this, I checked the location of the 5LL book. It's on the headboard of the bed instead of on the bookshelf. T'warn't me what put it there.

One of the things I tried to explain was the idea that if your tank is full, just about any of the languages will continue to fill it. But if your tank is empty, a gesture in one of your non-primary LLs is likely to backfire.

Example 1, PT: W/o spending any time with me, H attempted to ML. Boy oh boy did he get the cold shoulder. What, I'm your blow-up doll? You ignore me for months and then expect me to service your needs at your whim??! F-that!

Example 2, Gifts: Right near the end, H bought me a pretty little ring with sapphires in it. It actually made me angry, as if I could be bought. And he knows full well my favorite stone is amethyst. He couldn't even take the time to pick a stone he knows I would like?

Now, I'm not excusing myself for reacting with poor grace, there. But - when your love tank is so empty it's rusted clear through, it seems like only your primary LL will work to start filling it again. Anyone else have that experience?

Here's another thought I've been mulling over. The depth of my hurt over his A with my ex-BFF isn't about the sex. It's that after all of my pleading for more time, after starving for it for so long, he was giving that very thing, the thing I craved from him more than any other - to HER. So all that bullshit about being too busy, too tired, too sick was just... BULLSHIT. He was giving MY primary LL to someone else.

And unfortunately, we're even because I gave his to someone else, too.

Hard lessons all around.