Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

I asure you she is noticing. But she is not going to show you right now. She may be waiting to see if it is long lasting or not. You don't know what is going on in her mind. Our W's are experts at keeping their thoughts secret from us.

Antlers, I don't know how much this applies to your situation, but what happened to me last night supports K4D's statement. Less than a year ago, my W told me she was leaving me, that she doesn't love me, that she hasn't loved me in years, that she's not attracted to me, that my anger killed her love for me, and that there NO HOPE for us at all. When I tried to reason with her she got very angry and hateful. I later found out she was having a long distance affair with a man from her past.

Last night my W admitted how sad she is over what happened. She said she still loves me, and she meant it. She said she thinks I'm hot. She says I deserve to be loved. She said my anger in our M made her disappear inside herself, and that she had to leave or she felt like she would die. She said she now trusts me again, and feels safe with me, and I know it's because of my consistent loving behavior toward her. However, she said because of her A, we can never be together again. I told her nothing she's done is unforgivable because I know I broke her heart a hundred times over the years. We agreed to start spending some time together to see how it feels. She actually used the word reconciliation. It's a start, and we'll see where it goes.

Your situation does seem like it might take considerably longer, as your W is more angry than mine was, but what K4D said is true. Your WAW is not immune to your changes, and may someday soften toward you in response. It may even take getting divorced for her to get there. Regardless, live your life for you now.

I'm sorry you're in the situation that you're in. And I'm thankful that you take the time for me. Thanks. I've been feeling strong, mentally and physically, for months. I DB'd my butt off. She left last February because of the reasons I've mentioned in detail on my threads. I went to work on me, for no other reason than because it needed to be done. I did have hope though, that I'd get a second chance. I don't. This divorce has pummeled me. She told me last Thursday that she doesn't love me, she can't stand to be around me, and that we will never be together. She told me to move on, "and just don't make the same mistakes with the next person that you made with me." She says she's happier now than she has been in many years, and that the kids notice it. She's changed too, sometimes I don't even recognize her compared to how she used to be. She says I should have made the changes 15 years ago. She means what she says. She doesn't care anymore. She seems immune to my changes. I've done absolutely everything in my power. I wish, God knows I hoped, it would have worked out. It didn't. This divorce is happening. I gotta choke it down, and accept it.