I mainly feel anger when I am ruminating over past conversations or actions.
I do not show anger to my WAW. I found that it only reflects back yourself and increases the pain.
But last night the anger subsided when I reflected over other things that had happened and only once I had gained a better perspective over it all did my anger shrivel and hide in the corner of my mind.
Today my WAW initiated a R conversation today. She told me of her anger, her pain, her numbness and of her tears. She explained that at the start of the walkout, she could cry no tears, but now she seems to be crying non-stop.
The numbness is wearing off a little perhaps.
She told me of the effect it is having upon my boys, upon her brother who's house she is lodging in, how it affecting her college work - she hasn't done any yet and of her fears that she may have to give up her college course.
She talked of how she wanted to provide a better future for the kids - ie, give them the best things ect. She spoke about our financial woes and how she would get a job in the future to finance all of this.
She cried when she couldn't understand how it had come to this and how I was not there to support her emotional needs over the past 5 years.
She cried when she explained that she couldn't work out where we had gone wrong, and that she wanted better in our M.
She explained that she finds it too painful to come back yet, and that she intends to move into her mothers - a big improvement over her present sitch.
She also then said she didn't know what her EA would do or stay - she just shrugged her shoulders. If she stayed at her mothers, then she would be finally away from her EA, and then she could heal properly.
She said that she wouldn't be able to cope with coming back looking after the house and doing college. She said that she would throw herself into the housework.
Apart from accepting my blame for our M failings, this is the only point where I explained that if she came home, she wouldn't need to lift a finger around the home, I said that she had looked after me in the past and this is the time for me to support her in her college and house work
What does anyone think about this conversation. Any pointers as to what she may be thinking. Is this a good sign...
Regards, Gyn
Ps Thanks to everyone who has replied to my posts -some are a revelation.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
