A couple of questions to all the LBS

[seeking sanity]

How long has it been since the WAS was out of your life?

Sept 2007 was the first separation. R'd a year later for 8 months, then a second separation. We still talk now, and there's periodic fishing to see if we try again. We're both reluctant to D but not able to R.

Now that you have moved on, are you in a better place mentally, since the WAS left?

Yes. For me the R was emotionally brutal. We'd been split for a year and she had originally left for an OM. So I felt pretty mixed up. When we R'd is was so much rejection and overwhelming emotions. I was needy. She wasn't able to deal with it in a healthy way. Once I got away from her for a bit (and dated/had sex with other women, and purged some lingering feelings of being unattractive - superficial I know, but wth...) I've gotten to a stronger space.

How much time did it take for you to get to this better mental place?

Once I did a real 180 that helped right away. Over the past 6 months. I still get pulled to her and am considering trying yet another R.


What do you miss the most & what are you glad to see gone?

I miss being a family, feeling like we were a team. I miss the naive love. The frequent withdrawing and rejection I'm happy to be done with.


Has the whole experience changed the way you view relationships? And how?

Oh yeah, I don't believe in love the same way I did before. I view relationships as much more strategic and that men and women aren't really designed to be friends. The stuff that creates attraction in a woman - distance, challenge, humour - doesn't really allow men to relax in a relationship. I think men need to get emotional needs met by buddies, probably same with women. So love is there, but I don't believe in the whole best friend thing anymore. For a relationship to survive long term, the women needs to feel like her man loves her slightly less than she loves him. He needs to both love her and to keep her at a slight distance.