Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[MrBond]

25mlc,

Thanks for the comments.

"Just a question....why bother to dig deep to get the old feelings back UNLESS you know she wants back in?"

It really wasn't for her benefit. It was for me. I needed to have some kind of connection with her remaining in order for me to conquer the fear that was paralyzing me. Maybe I didn't mean the "old feelings", but a kind of affection so I could maintain a connection with her.

The thing is that living with a person who is just plain depressed all the time does wear you down. I've been going out with friends, laughed, kept things light, etc. But after awhile there are times where the cloud of her unhappiness just hangs over everyone. And I know at work she's a much different person. Just when she's at home and with me.

Like all others in MLC, if our M is to survive, she's going to hit that 'a-ha' moment where she learns that it's not me or the marriage, but her that's unhappy. I know I can't push her to that point or help her in any way, but I just get frustrated by her just sitting at home and choosing to be depressed.

I know, I know, all MLCers go through that. I know your H did. That's why I'm just venting here a little.

I think the reason I tend to center on her A is not because of the A itself, but what it represented. It was a bit of pleasure for her in her depression and that guy saw how depressed she was and took full advantage of her. But it also represented something new and exciting, and of course she contributed to it which fed the emotions. She can easily get those same feelings back in our R (what you feed grows) but I think she wants to be free to do the things she felt she missed out on (dating other guys). She's at a crossroads right now where she knows leaving is the wrong choice, but the pull of the fantasy is dragging her the other way. Plus her waffling back and forth about whether or not it was an A is so unlike her. She knows what she does yet is in denial until I ask her what would she call it if I did it. Then she gets quiet and reflective.

Ah but what do I care? I'm a great father, a great guy and I know what I bring to the table. It's her choice whether or not she wants to take off the fantasy blinders she has on.

When your H was gone, did you keep any contact with him? Did you "love him from afar" while maintaining your household? It is tough to maintain that loveline with all the resentment that's piled up for me.