Feeling frustrated today. Not that kind of frustrated....at least not JUST that kind...
Had dreams all night long. None of them Dan related. Some were random, two included guys who weren't Dan. No clue who they were except maybe from my imagination. No hanky panky but I was involved with one and there was kissing and stuff. The other I just met at some kind of gathering and we were flirting. Weird...Woke up feeling like I had been awake all night.
Contacted atty today since I hadn't heard from them since I sent the draft of our agreement last Tuesday. The legal assistant replied to my email saying they were writing up a 'stipulation' (?), and asking if I had gotten the receipt of service back yet. Grr...no.
Dan and I seem to be doing a good job ignoring each other for the first time ever. Other than 2 missed calls on Monday he has not tried to contact me. I emailed him yesterday morning re. Nathan's school conferences and that was it. He will have the kids tonight while I am at night class so I will see him after when I come home.
I am going to have to bring up the paperwork. I don't see any other option. Today I actually turned pissed again, instead of sad. The last person my H will have had sex with WHILE MARRIED, will not be me. And that really bothers me. I know it is the common story around here. But we slept together last fall after they ended things and for some reason I was glad to think that even though we D'd I would be the last person he was with while married. Call me old fashioned...
I guess I am finally processing the gigantic amount of disrespect he has handed me. A 'good' man doesn't cheat on his wife for 2 years, and yank her around like a yoyo trying to figure out if he wants back in, or not. And to start back up with her last spring, then lie about it...then to wait until I finally have the courage to go to the attorney and file to say he wants to give it another try. And THEN after promising to make things right, he dumps me 12 hours later?? WTF kind of man does that.
I know "hurting, confused, tormented, conflicted", whatever. Sure he is all of those things. But that doesn't excuse lying, playing with my emotions, continually cheating on me and disrespecting me. I am crazy to be spending the time with him that I was spending with him up until this weekend.
So I feel the need to push this forward, get the papers from him and move ahead. And yet I also don't want to even have to talk to him anymore. And at the same time I feel bad for my kids that I can't bring their mom and dad back together. Grr.
