I'm sorry. I guess it is a discouraging post. It's currently where and how O'dog is stuck. I don't know how many other sepd/div'd go through it but there has to be some common elements. It's what I'm trying to push through.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I'm sorry. I guess it is a discouraging post. It's currently where and how O'dog is stuck. I don't know how many other sepd/div'd go through it but there has to be some common elements. It's what I'm trying to push through.
Of course. I do think this is normal. I just can't project that it will stay this way.
I'll spill what I'm thinking and feeling on detachment. Maybe you can relate to some of it.
Detachment is not a one-time thing but a process that happens in stages. It's like the lines at DisneyLand; as soon as you think you're done you turn the corner and bam...another long wait. There's another process to work thru.
This post-sep/div-coparent stage is not easy. With kids there is no clean break. There is no true divorce. O'dog guesses this stage of detachment will take the longest and will never be 100%.
O'dog doesn't want to care about the She but has interactions, conversations, comments, complaints, and complements and it's hard to blow them off. It's hard not to feel something (sadness, anger, etc.) no matter how hard one tries. We build those walls thick and high but there's always a window that we cannot close.
O'dog will mind-read a little and propose the She is probably thinking and feeling something similar. "I went to all this trouble and I still can't get rid of him. I hate talking about money, coats for the kids, or who's turn it is to pay the dentist. But what can I do? I've already divorced him."
Sometimes the O'dog wishes he could just move outta' here and not have to deal with the sitch and the She. Besides, it harsh in the winter and not great for the O'dog mood. But what's a dog to do? Leave the pups behind?
So while many prop up the O'dog with comments like "It's a whole new life. You can do whatever you want", they fail to see the strings (ropes, chains) attached. It's not freedom. It's parole.
Don't know anyway around it. Just have to go thru it. Just keep working on myself and not get distracted by the She Sideshow.
Where and when was that posted?
It's frankly not very inspiring. Honest and yes I relate but parole? No can do. Can't push through this much pain for parole. I have to think there is something better.
Well it may not be completely inspiring but it is real as he!!. Staring it straight in the eye is going to get all of us to health and happiness a lot faster than if we deny it.
People are on this forum because they're thoughtful, caring people. While some days I wish I were a thoughtless, selfish, oblivious person, most days I realize that I am blessed to be aware and to care. Awareness in our situations comes with some pain and being aware means we have to tackle it head on. In the end I have to believe that I, and all of you on here with me, will be better for it someday!!
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
I can't believe I set myself up with the comedian guy to deal with another rejection. It was totally predicable.
Quit looking externally to be validated.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone but it is your journey. Learn what it means to love yourself. You know you want it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'll spill what I'm thinking and feeling on detachment. Maybe you can relate to some of it.
Detachment is not a one-time thing but a process that happens in stages. It's like the lines at DisneyLand; as soon as you think you're done you turn the corner and bam...another long wait. There's another process to work thru.
This post-sep/div-coparent stage is not easy. With kids there is no clean break. There is no true divorce. O'dog guesses this stage of detachment will take the longest and will never be 100%.
O'dog doesn't want to care about the She but has interactions, conversations, comments, complaints, and complements and it's hard to blow them off. It's hard not to feel something (sadness, anger, etc.) no matter how hard one tries. We build those walls thick and high but there's always a window that we cannot close.
O'dog will mind-read a little and propose the She is probably thinking and feeling something similar. "I went to all this trouble and I still can't get rid of him. I hate talking about money, coats for the kids, or who's turn it is to pay the dentist. But what can I do? I've already divorced him."
Sometimes the O'dog wishes he could just move outta' here and not have to deal with the sitch and the She. Besides, it harsh in the winter and not great for the O'dog mood. But what's a dog to do? Leave the pups behind?
So while many prop up the O'dog with comments like "It's a whole new life. You can do whatever you want", they fail to see the strings (ropes, chains) attached. It's not freedom. It's parole.
Don't know anyway around it. Just have to go thru it. Just keep working on myself and not get distracted by the She Sideshow.
Where and when was that posted?
It's frankly not very inspiring. Honest and yes I relate but parole? No can do. Can't push through this much pain for parole. I have to think there is something better.
Well it may not be completely inspiring but it is real as he!!. Staring it straight in the eye is going to get all of us to health and happiness a lot faster than if we deny it.
People are on this forum because they're thoughtful, caring people. While some days I wish I were a thoughtless, selfish, oblivious person, most days I realize that I am blessed to be aware and to care. Awareness in our situations comes with some pain and being aware means we have to tackle it head on. In the end I have to believe that I, and all of you on here with me, will be better for it someday!!
It's Coach's Stockdale Principle!
RSF...that's a good post buddy! You are insightful, and I go along with what you're saying here.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
O'dog - I might have said this before, but for the winter blues (SAD), try some combination of Vitamin D3 (label should say cholecalciferol), St. John's Wort, 5-HTP (an amino acid) and sub-lingual B12.
Exercise, too, even if the weather sucks. Music. And GAL.
These are what work for me.
Hang in there!
Dia
Caveat: If you are already taking pharmaceutical ADs, do not mess with St. John's or 5-HTP. The Vits D3 and B-12 are fine, tho.
P.S. Sorry for the threadjack, AK. I shoulda posted that in O'dog's thread.
Last edited by Dia; 10/07/0905:19 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Well it may not be completely inspiring but it is real as he!!. Staring it straight in the eye is going to get all of us to health and happiness a lot faster than if we deny it.
There is no denying it. I am living it but if I thought my future would feel like "getting through it" indefinitely, I'd give up.
You are beautiful woman. Your children are fortunate to have a mother who places such high importance on their wellbeing. You are a dealing with a difficult sitch but with hard work you will emerge just fine.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
