See if you can identify all the ways he likes to control you - money, pets, sex, friends, communcation, religion, education, hobbies, clothes, holidays, vacations, ..........
I never even thought about it like that. I guess I was just so used to it.
Money/Pets- limitations re: pets- food and basic supplies only. No vet visits when the animals get sick. I agree with no extraorinary expenses, I don't think they are very sensible, but there are NO vet visits. "It's a $20 dollar rabbit- if it dies, so what?". Made me give me cat away, luckily my parents took it. Tried to make me give my bunnies away, the only reason they are still here is because it was a Sunday when he was screaming about it and there were no rabbit rescues open on a Sunday. Believe me, I called.
Religion- I was raised Roman Catholic, and we had a catholic wedding. He absolutely hates the Church, and bitched so much about it, I only sent the kids to PSR long enough to make their first communions so they can at least participate at mass. They'll have to get Confirmed as adults if they want to. I haven't gone myself in a long time, I got tired of hearing about it.
Education- I want to go to law school and I've talked about it for several years. I currently work as a paralegal and would like to be able to sign my own name to the pleadings I write! H argued money (kids approaching college age), but I countered at the time with a) loans are available, and b) I would be done in time for D17 to start college and my atty salary would more than cover it. But he wouldn't support me, I think because it would have put more obligations on him at home if I wasn't around as much (like driving kids around), so I was told to just max out what I can do as a paralegal.
Clothes- he wants "veto power" about any new clothes I buy. And if he doesn't like it, he lets me know. I have a pair of shorts that aren't sexy enough for his taste, they're too loose fitting. They aren't frumpy "Mom" shorts, just not painted on. D17 approved when I bought them. But as H explained to me, D17 isn't looking at me sexually...
Holidays- we try to alternate which family we visit. If they are spent with my family, he lets it be known that he wants to hurry up and go home. He doesn't interact much and sulks. Or he just doesn't go, like for the smaller occassions like bday parties. We make sure to get to all of his family functions tho, no time limit on staying at those. (My extended family even picked up on this. Grandma asked Mom if we were having problems about a year ago, and this Christams, the first since his Dad died, they commented that he seemed friendlier and more relaxed.)
I'm printing this post and pondering it some more tonight. We go back to the MC tomorrow at 7. I don't want to sound like I'm whining.
