pitin...There are more than a few of us on here with almost the same exact situation. I'm getting close to NOT even wanting my W back. Sneaking around behind my back with some married guy, lying to my face about everything, giving up 1/2 her time with our S so she can screw around with OM, all the hurtful things she's said & done to me to justify her actions in her own mind. Who the hell is this woman?!? And do I really want her back so she can do this to me again!?! She's going out w/ coworkers tonight & I guarantee this guy is in town. I feel like kicking her out of our house TONIGHT!
Last edited by etrain; 10/07/0903:51 PM.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Right now, I'm really wanting to confront her about this....or at least asking if this OM is part of the group going out tonight. If my W is being an evil, manipulative cheater, I think she should be called on it. Can I really sit back & give her space to screw this OM...then expect her to come crawling back to me & I take her back w/ open arms? I'm being played for a fool here.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Just re-read my last post & I sound like a crazy person. You're right, Thinker. If my W wants to cheat, she's going to cheat. I can yell, scream, email OM's W. It won't matter.
My major issue right now is whether or not I really want to Bust this D.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
That doesn't mean you just have to roll over and be a doormat. There has to be boundaries and setting boundaries is healthy and good.
In my sitch I had to set 2 firm boundaries:
1) I am not going to tolerate being lied to.
2) I am not going to live in an open marriage or otherwise share my wife with any other man.
These are really hard.
When I first confronted my W about the EA I had to set (and then enforce the first one - "I know what is going on. Do not lie to me. Be honest"
I later had to firmly set the second one. "I am not going to share you with any other man in any way. I can not tell you to stop your R with him, but you may not continue your R with him AND remain married to me."
The second one is much more tough love and is really hard to do. You have to really mean what you are saying and be ready to take action to end the marriage if she does not stop. In my sitch, however, I do wish I had taken that stance much earlier than I did.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
When I initially confronted W about her EA after finding the email exchange, I said the same things you did. I know what's going on, be honest, etc. She still lied. Then she stuck by her lie at MC...even expanded on it by saying she sent a NC email.
It might be time for boundary #2. I'd rather see one of us file for D TODAY than have her sneaking around behind my back with OM. I'm not going to do anything today. I need to wait until the anger goes away & I'm thinking more clearly.
Called a L today & I'm expecting a callback tomorrow. Time to get those legal ducks in a row.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
