What to do when H doesn't contact?

[K4D]

Everyone is right Lost,

Detachment is a must. I feel like I am starting to detach now. Something happened Monday night that normally would have destroyed me, but surprisingly, I am not letting it do to me anymore what it would have done in the past. I am instead focusing my efforts on work, my kids, and my home. I have started spending more time at home now working on my place as well as picking up my wardrobe. I am now going to C and doing my homework. I lost a friend because I wasn't really trying to improve myself. Now I am. And you know what, I feel better about myself. I am trying to make plans for things I can do for fun for myself.

Oh, I still pray for my marriage and my W. But I am not letting it determine my own progress now. I am starting to implement some changes and I never really truly realized how much work it really is to do it. But I am finding out, that it really does take work. And it takes work every single day. Each morning you have to wake up and decide you are not going to be in misery anymore and you are going to do stuff for yourself and take care of yourself for YOU. Granted I am new at FINALLY putting the work in, but I doing it and I'm feeling quite ok.

You have to let go and look at who you are. Ask others how they percieve you that you know. Ask them if you are the fun outgoing person that they would want to be around or do you drag people down around you. I say this because I did this far to long. When I started recently looking at their perspective of me, it made me think, ya, who would want to be around me if I am constantly depressed. Nobody wants to be around someone that constantly thinks of themself as a victim. I did that far to long. I'm not a victim and neither are you. I have a life worth living regardless of my circumstances and so do you. I have a God worth giving praise and thanks to for what I do have and knowing that at any point it can get even better if I put the work and effort into it just like you. This is a real 180 for me that I have to remind myself of each day now. But you know, if you keep making yourself do it each morning, eventually, it will become natural. But it takes initial effort at first.

Anyways, I am doing it. I'm not sitting around moping and wasting time anymore. I'm doing stuff with myself. My life will no longer be on hold because of my W's decisions. I have kids that need to see that life still goes on and you can still have a great life while leaving your circumstances in God's hands. I get my prayer time in at night before I go to sleep, but I am not focusing on it the entire day anymore. There is to much else going on or that I can be doing that is useful besides sitting around being unproductive and depressed.

Look at it this way. Every day is a new day and God got you through the previous day didn't he. You made it another day. Did you think you would? Well, you did. And he will carry you today and the next day. But take it one day at a time and at the end of the day, look back at your day and think, wow, I made it another day. God got me through another day. It was successful. And then praise and thank God for getting you through another day. Be joyful about it. Once you think about that and thank God, think about, how can I change my own life. What steps can I do for me now. How can I incorporate fun for me and my kids. How can I incorporate a better future. Don't overwhelm yourself with it. Think in little steps and then act on one step at a time and before you know it, you will be several steps ahead and can look back think, wow, look how far you have come.

Kevin