Marriage Lacking Intimacy

[Cinco]

Hi rshiley,

Being there myself at one point, it sounds as if your W is going through an affair withdraw. It was all so decadent, exciting, naughty, etc. It's hard to let go of that high she was feeling and it will take some time.

For you, it's also hard to compete with a fantasy. Affairs are fantasy. It's an escape. For that 2 or 3 hours you spend with your lover, you are leaving all of the problems of your life behind. No children needing something, no financial woes, no household chores, no mundane everyday marital problems.... It's just you and the lover, you can make as much noise as you want, take as much time as you want, do it again and again.

I'm not trying to depress you, just trying to get you to see things from where she probably is right now.

A very good book our marriage counselor recommended was After the Affair, by Janis Spring. It addresses healing from an affair from both sides. I agree with the others, if she is serious about repairing you M and counselor would really help you two.

Ok I'll have to find some of the old posts from DanceQueen on generating excitement again in your marriage. If your touching her is only happening in bed at bedtime there is no build up at all happening for your W. She wants to be seduced and that happens well in advance of hopping into bed together. The touching, kissing, flirty notes and all happen beforehand. I'll come back later with some links to DQ's old posts as she explains how women want this "buildup" much better than I do.

It will take hard work to recover from the affair and it will take time. It can be done though. She at least wants to stay with you and that is a start.

Cinco