Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

We've been splitting weekends and they stay at my house every Wednesday night. This week, for the second time since I moved into my apartment, she asked if I could take them Thursday as well so she could catch up at work. I don't have any special plans on Thursday so I said yes.

Because my job is flexible I'm the one who goes home every day to see the kids get off the bus. When the after-school sitter gets there I head back to work.

I added it up in my head. The girls will stay at my apartment over night at least 135 days a year -- including summer vacations -- and with the after-school stuff, I'll see them at least 280.

That's pretty good.

We agreed early on that the girls would stay together and my W would be the primary home. Her self worth is really tied into the girls. She feels her job detracts from her ability to be a good mother. I could fight -- and people have told me I should -- for custody, but I feel that would be counterproductive. Fights like that cause long-term divisions and kids usually get caught in the middle.

I'll be able to see them a lot and then when they are older, they can make their own decisions.

The house hamstrings everything. Until it's sold and the W can find a smaller place, I feel I have to be generous so she doesn't get foreclosed upon.

Both of the friends I talked to last night used mediators and made their own settlements. They said it smoothed the process, saved thousands of dollars and there were no long-term bitter feelings afterward.