Don't beat yourself up...because it happens. I will also tell you that it will happen again. A good focus is to try and reduce how often you do backslide....just like Rome, it won't take a day to change how you deal with things. Looking at the situation as though you have been dumped is a good strategy in my mind. What would have done in college if your GF dumped you? You would have not talked to her, healed your heart, find things to do, and eventually move on. So what has really changed because you are married. Not much at the relationship level.
Somebody asked me on my posts "what is your goal?"....I want to lovingly detach with the possibility of reconciliation without the expectation. The key confusing word is lovingly...That doesn't mean showering her with love or nice actions. That means I can still love her in my heart without showering her with love. Loving actions are more respecting her wishes of space and time, etc and living my life for myself. Does that make sense to you?
I will be on all day...so please don't contact her before you contact us. We will be here.
Because it's probably best to hear your ignoring me, because then the complaint would've been "you still don't listen" vs laying down doing what they asked and getting hammered for it later or staying in save a relationship mode, THIS IS EMAIL AND TEXT RELATED, not face to face contact. It's still best to hear you're "ignoring me" vs don't control me.
This is the mindset that needs to happen.....Think this way FIRST before anything else happens....
No I will not contact her guys, I don't want to again without talking to you all first.
She did dump me in college, I had nothing to do with her and she came back. I've been telling myself that's what I needed to do, wrong thinking, she knows I can write someone off and I was trying to prove her wrong. She's not looking for proof this time, she's looking for escape, besides the only thing left is the divorce route on her end, which will slow her healing process down even more and destroy my kids.
By the way, my neighbors, they've picked sides..the one I went to about helping out, he and his wife loaned my wife they're car. They told or showed my wife every text or email i ever wrote, fortunately not very much. Just stuff like "hey let me know if there is a catastrophe, don't want to know what wife is doing, let wife do things for herself. I've got people telling me all kinds of rumors, don't need to worry about you passing stuff on to her and don't mention that i've asked you this."
Well they did AND I BROUGHT THAT ON MYSELF,just like you guys said I would.
I know who my friends are. It's almost like they're all reveling in it or maybe some of this was planned, I mean this neighbor is the one that helped refinance the house in the matter of 2 wks. And wife got upset when I asked is your motivation for me to pay everything off and refi this house so you can kick me to the kirb. that was before 9/2, that's when we refi'd the house. But can't help to think there was some kind of conspiracy.
Oh well, I'm not responding to it and all thir numbers and email address' are deleted.
