I wanted to comment on what you posted on trustingfaith's thread.
Quote:
Last night for example, H was on his computer, with the TV on, in the den. All of a sudden he turned them off, and came to sit with me in the livingroom. I was so afraid he wanted to talk about R, or spew something , that I got up and got ready for bed. I felt bad that I left him sitting out there alone, but then I thought about the nightmare he's put me through. Maybe he had something nice to say, maybe he didn't want to say anything at all, but I wasn't taking any chances.
How do you keep from feeling uncomfortable around H? How do you avoid R talk if he starts to bring it up?
First off, if you can take your focus off "what he has put you through" and think about and have compassion for what he's going through, it helps. If you're angry find a way to deal with it and get it out.
That you left when he came to sit with you, IMO that was a cheap and punishing shot. i know you were scared and I'm not beating you up. I want you to look at what you did and why. What was the pay off? Did it help you at all? Even if you had just sat there with him, that would speak volumes.
I don't think you do keep from "feeling uncomfotable" at first. You just "act" as if you are. If he brings up R talk, just listen. Reflect back what he's said and if you need time to think on it, say so. It's ok and in alot of cases wise to say I'll need to think about this and get back to you.
Having them at home is very hard. I know. You can do this though.
