Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[Thinker]

I don't know if it went directly against what I'm supposed to be doing but my W & I shared a long, emotional hug as we both left for work this morning. I initiated it but she definitely needed it too. We were both fighting back the tears. At least it showed she still has some feelings inside of her, even though she's been hiding them well.
She's obviously hurting...maybe not as much as I am right now since she's had months/years to deal with it...but she's hurting.

Don't rescue from her feelings. She has to own and the impact of what she is doing.

This doesn't mean (at all) that you should be moody or resentful toward her. "Act as if" is very important right now. Act as if you are going to be just fine - moving ahead with your life - busy busy busy - always happy to see her, but just fine without. etc. Cheerful, put together, in control. etc.

But don't take responsibility for her feelings. Don't do or say things to make her feel better about what she is doing. I know that this will be your instinct because you see her hurting and want her to feel better, but don't rescue.