Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

BJ, first and foremost, I must express my most heartfelt gratitude to you for taking so much of your time to analyze my situation and offer such long, thought out and thoughtful replies.

This goes as well to everyone else on this site, and that replies to others sitch's as well as mine. I often can't believe how much caring and help there is on this site, and from almost complete strangers.

If some day I ever get to meet any of you in person, it may well be one of the most emotional experiences of my life.

This may well get to be a long reply, but I want to analyze what I am thinking currently for my sitch, including answers to your reply.

First, on my sitch, we do not have any agreement in place yet, nor any custody awarded yet, etc.

But she is the one who needs to go, not you.

This has been my thought, and I have asked her to leave, but she is not budging. I can not force her out either, just as she can not force me out.

I need to temper this as well, with what I want for my future. For 9 years now, I have commuted 3+ hours a day to support my family, as well as working 10-12 hour days. I didn't realize the stress and strain this had on me and our R until the past year or so. As such, one of my goals is to move closer to my work. This means I do not want the marital home, and WAW has also said she does not want the marital home as well, as it will be too big for her without all the family there. That influences a lot on my plans going forward.

Investment properties:
These are not rentals, one is a vacant lot, and one is having a house built on it, so essentially 'spec' homes, and right now, nothing but money going out, nothing coming in.

Financial Status:
I mentioned that I am the only one at risk her financially, because it is my name, and my name alone on all of the debt, mortgages, etc. She can WAW with no impact to her financially.

Why this matters to me currently:
As it stands, she will be the custodial parent, L and everyone have already said I have very little, if any, chance at fighting this, so that puts me in the financial cross hairs. I have seen and read about what can happen if WAW decides to file first, she can put motions in place to force me to pay for everything, including the current marital home mortgage, until a contested D is settled.

That is why I pursued mediation. However, she is just not based in financial reality currently, and I just don't see mediation getting to a resolution, even the mediator said he doesn't see how we can break up the household equitably currently so we can both survive.

Where does that leave me currently? Well, in order for me to save myself financially, I need to be the one that files first, and puts motions in place to protect myself before she does. Part of that had been my discussion with L previously, that if I get an apartment, he can take the lease and use that to show expense that I need to have to provide for myself and my d8.

Why would I do this? Protection for myself and d8, pursuing my goals of getting closer to work, and to begin to move my emotional state back towards center.

Note that in the above reply, I am not really mentioning what I think, or know, that WAW wants. Although I struggle with the fact that I 'feel' that I should be protecting my W and Family, she has decided she wants out.

As an aside, the WAW will get what she wants, me out of her daily life, but it will not be in the WAY that she wants. She will then be handed a bit of reality as well, and will need to do what she can to provide for herself and d8. I do not say this as spiteful, but it will be what happens.

I understand that she is kind of cake eating currently, as I continue to pay for everything, but I have noticed that as I continue to do so, she becomes less and less caring about my feelings and my sitch, and eventually will start EA or PA while I continue to do so. I need to be out of this sitch by then.

At this point, I am kind of backed into a corner, so not many things I can do other than be ahead of her on the financial front.

For my d8, we have talked about counseling, and both agree it will likely be needed, we don't have one yet, but I have my IC meeting Thursday and will be asking him for recommendations.

Neither of us are church going people, and I don't say that to offend anyone, but just the way we are. I have become spiritual this past year, but not in a religious context, but I will be using every avenue for my d8, and so will my WAW.