Hey Gucci, Puppy, RobX and Coach!

[sandi2]

Well hi.....I'll help this "bumpy" road out.....lol.

How you doing BJ?

[BigJohn]

Bump back for you BJ, if your around, I could use some talkbalk on my sitch. Not in a good place..

IWITW,

Sorry to hear you are down. I'm just popping in before dinner and scouts tonight. I'll try to jump back in later and catch up with you. Take care.

[BigJohn]

Hey Sandi,

I'm doing OK considering my fruit loop of a W. Just trying to limit my contact with her and focus on me and the kids as usual. She stopped wearing her wedding ring three weeks ago. Walking around the house at night with sunglasses perched on her head. Getting all dolled up to do housework while listening to music on her iphone. Yesterday she dyed her hair a reddish tint (she is brunette) to "hide the gray roots". Still not taking the job search as seriously as she should and instead pressing me to refinance the house to get her share of the equity. It just goes on and on. I suppose I should wonder when she is going to "wake up" to reality, but I really haven't felt the need to care about it.

Anyway, I need to run. I was typing this post when my W interrupted me to get into an extended discussion about refinancing the house. Talk to you soon.

[Butterfly1]

Keep your boundaries, BJ. Stand up for what you think is right financially and she can dance around the house all she wants but not in a refinanced one (unless that is what you want).

[sandi2]

I suppose I should wonder when she is going to "wake up" to reality, but I really haven't felt the need to care about it.

This is it.......this is "detaching". You are seeing your W as a different person from who she use to be. Now, she is a fruit loop (lol.....love that) and you aren't hung up on how she feels about outcomes. LBH's need to be where you are mentally.....by not sitting around wondering when the WAW is going to wake up b/c until all the money is gone and she has to get out and actually work for her way of life.....she's going to continue in her "play world". She sounds like she is really messed up with going around at night with her sunglasses on her head and getting all dolled up to do housework. It is obvious she is focused on her appearance and trying to look younger. I'm thinking she's in MLC. Bet it was hard to stay composed when you saw her red hair & sunglasses!

You are going good, BJ. I am so proud of you.
It is so much harder, I think, to be detached while under the same roof. Anyway, don't cave to her schemes of getting money. She just needs to go to work and live in the real world. She would only spend that money and when it ran out....then she would be coming back to dear BJ for some other avenue for cash. Hope you can stick to your boundaries and not give in to her pressure.

[iwantittowork]

Sandi2, Thanks for the great feedback that you provide, I have been using it in my own sitch as well..

BJ, where are you at as far as D proceedings? Is WAW moving out, or plan on it?

I am posting in my sitch a reply to your latest post to me, but wondering about you at the same time, as well as Sandi's reply regarding the 'play world'

My WAW is in a play world right now as well, but part of that is I provide for the family, so I feel she is taking advantage of that, and has no plans to move forward on her own.

Funny you mention the sunglasses on the head, my WAW has been doing that all the time lately, and I have wondered what the heck that is. She walks around all day with them on her head, pulling back her hair.

[sandi2]

Funny you mention the sunglasses on the head, my WAW has been doing that all the time lately, and I have wondered what the heck that is. She walks around all day with them on her head, pulling back her hair.

It's part of their "fashion". Instead of using a "boring" hairband, they use something that is "cool".....like sungasses in the house or at night! If she sees a younger woman dressing that way, then she will copy. That is her way of trying to look & act younger.

[Butterfly1]

Just don't react. Sounds like she's putting on a show for you to prove how young and independant and happy she is. With such a big show, I'm not convinced. Don't let it get to you. She will have to deal with the real world - but she will only do it when she's ready, certainly not because you tell her to.

[sandi2]

I agree. She is like a rebellious teenager right now and the more you "disapprove" of how she looks or acts.....the worse she will be. (Encouraging...huh?) The sad thing also, is that others will just shake their heads in utter confusion at what she is displaying.

[BigJohn]

It is obvious she is focused on her appearance and trying to look younger. I'm thinking she's in MLC. Bet it was hard to stay composed when you saw her red hair & sunglasses!

Yes, I'm just waiting for the "other shoe" to drop after she gets her D settlement- I'm sure a boob job is high on her "To Do" list. As to the hair dyeing situation, that was a little awkward at first and I didn't want to be mean so I didn't say anything for awhile. But when D3 made a silly comment about "Mommy's red hair", I couldn't resist and commented that maybe Daddy should dye his beard purple so Mommy and Daddy could match.

She would only spend that money and when it ran out....then she would be coming back to dear BJ for some other avenue for cash. Hope you can stick to your boundaries and not give in to her pressure.

I agree however in speaking with my L it appears that the way things are going I'm going to have to refinance and cash my W out sooner than I wanted to. I'm not happy about it- once again my W is shirking personal accountability and delegating her problems back on me. On the positive side, getting detached from my W financially sooner rather than later may be for the best.