I'm new wondering if this works...

[BigJohn]

He works for himself - he's a genius computer programmer. He works from home (wherever that is lately). Lately, he works until all hours of the night. Work never ends for him.

I have wondered if it is a workaholic syndrome to avoid feelings or if he is truly that overburdened with work.

I have a lot of empathy - he is a reliable provider and hard worker. However, he also admitted tonight that his stress levels have gotten so high he is thinking of going to a psychiatrist for a prescription to tranquilizers.

He has always had this anxiety problem - overly perfectionistic, over achiever

Is he just hiding from himself and his pain? I don't know.

Hope,

I'm glad you shared the following observations. Speaking from personal experience, it is very possible that your H is dealing with very serious depression- which may or may not be work related. He may be trying to address his stress/depression by working more in an attempt to gain control over the situation. I can identify with your H now as there was a period in my life (which ended about 6 months before my W's EA began) in which I was operating in much the same way (I too am a Type A personality, hard working, perfectionist, overachiever, etc.)

Your H has forgotten that we work in order to live, not live to work. He has also forgotten the purpose behind why he works so hard- for his family! During the period in my life when I was in a similar situation as your H, I was only vaguely aware of the possibility that what I was dealing with was depression. It wasn't until I got out of the high pressure job I was in did I start to realize that I had been seriously depressed. I can also tell you that during that time I really was not sensitive to how I was reacting to my family. I was not always consciously aware of the tone I spoke in or how much I was hollering at my kids. I was really on edge. In my sitch, however, I didn't drink or engage in any inappropriate behavior to distract myself from my depression.

It sounds like the conversation he had with you about the tranquilizers would be a good place to start in discussing the likelihood of depression with your H. If your H would be willing to go, a family therapist might be the best place to start.