Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

Sorry I am just now getting back to you. The stars must be aligned- I just had a long conversation about financials with my W tonight. Like yours, she either can't or doesn't want to grasp the financial ramifications of D. Anyway, enough of my sitch and crazy W. Preliminarily, here are my thoughts:

Mediators solutions where:
- We get divorced, and stay in the same house until those properties are divested and I can afford to move out and pay child support.
-- I told them no way could I live with her while she is out dating other guys. Her reply was: "Well, I wouldn't flaunt the guys I am dating, or bring them home, so that would be ok with her." Uh, no, no way could I do that, and maintain my emotional well being. I just couldn't do it.

No question I agree with you here. But she is the one who needs to go, not you.

- I stop paying mortgage on one or both investment properties and let them get foreclosed on.

I know you have probably put a lot of thought into this already, but a couple questions for you: Are these SFRs that are currently vacant or do you have tenants in one or both? Sounds like that may be the case- or you are upside down on one or both. Without knowing more- why not quit claim one of the properties over to your W? Worse case scenario try to pull of short sales on both to minimize the damage as much as possible. Is there anyway to use one or both properties to sweeten the settlement pot with your W? More info would be helpful here.

I asked for a couple of days to review what we have, and figure out what I need to do.

If you still can, I'd ask the mediator for more like two weeks/10 business days minimum to try and figure this stuff out. Before talking with your L, I would consult first with a financial advisor to discuss your options in terms of handling the investment properties along with any other related financial issues.

I don't see a way out of this, other than pursuing this through a L, and for me to:
- Get out of this house, before the emotional strain becomes to much.
- Convert to paying her child support per the guidelines and transfer bills for our house to her, and current household mortgage.

Just how much custody were you preliminarily awarded for D8? I understand that 30/70 is typical on the East Coast, but I would imagine you could challenge it if you wanted to- and presuming that additional custody would be beneficial to D8. Was your W awarded alimony as well? It sounds like you are really getting hammered. If there is any chance you could pull off a deal to keep the house yourself, I'd consider staying put a while longer. But I understand the emotional strain you are under and that it may not be worth it.

I believe that I will be calling the L tomorrow, who incidentally told me to do the above plan 3 months ago, and put myself in front of this D, like you BJ.

Since my name is the only one on the line financially, she has nothing to lose, and is already divested emotionally, so I don't know what other option I have.

Even if all the properties are only titled in your name, your W still has a 50% stake in them. From what I've read, Massachusetts is an "Equitable Distribution State" which is slightly different than my home state of California, which is a "Community Property" State. But with regards to property like the family residence, 50/50 division is typical. So it would seem your W does have a financial stake in the sitch.

You need to turn this around and take control. From the sound of it, you have a better command of the financials than your W- use this knowledge and sophistication to your and D8's advantage. Likewise, as the level headed parent in contrast to your W, you need to take a commanding lead with regards to the welfare of D8. You mentioned her recently expressing distress at the thought of separating from her SS. Have you spoken and/or met with the school counselor yet at D8's school? Is D8 currently seeing a counselor outside of school? If you are a member of a church- have you explored possible counseling resources there? If you haven't already, this is something you need to own yourself and be proactive about.

Have you investigated any of the Father's Right's organizations out there dedicated to helping fathers to ensure that they are treated with equality and fairness in a D court? Google "Father's Rights". You may find some very good information from these organizations.

I'll try to check in again with you tomorrow. Hang in there.