It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

the nc was for this week only. I talk to the kids (d13 and d10) nightly. nc was supposed to be until this friday when I go to take W to doctor and bring the kids back to my place for the weekend.

We're not on bad terms at all. I really want to do some moving on. I love her, but holding on is too painful. And it won't get her to change her mind.

I've let myself get wound up in the emotion. I didn't used to be like this. I was confident once and had good rapport with women. I got sucked into the mentality that this R was all there was.

Today was great, no grief and a positive attitude. But as soon as it gets dark the anxiety hits hard. Must have something to do with patterns in the R routine.

I've read some of the gucci posts and find that mentality to be more like the old me. Need to get back into that frame of mind. Maybe a lot nicer than I once was, but I definitely need to reboot the self-respect.